| 1. | St. Louis (1) | Cardinals fans are wearing Eckstein charms — life size |
| 2. | Cleveland (2) | Somewhere, Albert Belle is glaring with pride |
| 3. | Yankees (5) | Nothing overcomes a slow start quite like a $200 million payroll |
| 4. | White Sox (4) | Hmmm ... Some guy with a Cubs hat and headphones has tickets for today's game |
| 5. | Boston (3) | The Curse of Pokey Reese is doing its evil business |
| 6. | Angels (7) | If Angels had Vlad Guerrero in '95, we might be talking about the D.C. Mariners |
| 7. | Atlanta (6) | Julio Franco regales team with stories about the Boston Braves |
| 8. | Houston (9) | Unfortunately, Astros' playoff run not the region's top priority |
| 9. | Oakland (8) | Still lamenting the pitchers that got away ... but enough about Arthur Rhodes |
| 10. | Philadelphia (11) | He's no Schmidt, but David Bell is a winner |
| 11. | Florida (10) | At rate he's moving up the lineup, Dontrelle will hit cleanup next |
| 12. | Washington 12) | Jose Guillen has more suspensions than the Golden Gate Bridge |
| 13. | Minnesota (13) | The rumble is that Torii Hunter could be traded this winter |
| 14. | San Diego (15) | Still fully capable of blowing any lead, any time |
| 15. | Milwaukee (14) | Brews have the bubbly ready for first .500 finish since 1992 |
| 16. | Mets (19) | Will go as far as Carlos Beltran takes them ... which explains a lot |
| 17. | Cubs (17) | A Dusty team hasn't finished below .500 since 1996 |
| 18. | Texas (18) | 250-plus homers just don't take you as far as they used to |
| 19. | Toronto (16) | Where's Luis Leal when you really need him? |
| 20. | San Francisco (23) | Bonds has just about wrapped up the MVP Of Last 2-½ Weeks Of September award |
| 21. | Cincinnati (22) | Griffey keeps putting the cartilage before the horse |
| 22. | Arizona (24) | New owner Jeff Moorad is only taking 10 percent of the blame |
| 23. | Baltimore (20) | Palmeiro could get a shot next year with the independent Pittsburgh Pariahs |
| 24. | Los Angeles (21) | Remember the name Brian Myrow. Nah, forget it. |
| 25. | Seattle (25) | Ichiro could be first to hit under .300 with 200 hits since Buckner in '85 |
| 26. | Colorado (28) | Slow start, schmow start — Helton's still going to hit his .330 |
| 27. | Tampa Bay (27) | Rays management gave Lou everything he needed — except talent and commitment |
| 28. | Detroit (26) | Tigers fail the new, tougher emissions standards |
| 29. | Pittsburgh (29) | Quick, name the Pirates manager (Hint: It sounds a lot like Mete Packanin) |
| 30. | Kansas City (30) | Yankees have A-Rod, Royals have a lot of Nim-Rods |