AT THE BOTTOM of this column, there is a new description of my life. Instead of saying I'm a reporter for The Seattle Times, it now says I'm retired from The Seattle Times.

Most people seemed to have the same reaction my wife did when she found out:

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!?" screeched The Truly Unpleasant Mrs. Johnston.

I may be, but I think Mrs. Johnston should be used to her husband doing things that make her ask the out-of-your-mind question. I remember she said the same thing 22 years ago when I told her on our first date that we were going to get married and lead the fun-filled life that we now live.

I retired in February at the age of 54. Some of the sharper readers can do the math themselves, but for the rest, I will do the numbers for them and admit that 54 is 11 years younger than when most people decide to stop working and let the world spin around without their labor.

In my defense, I have to say that right after I wiped the spittle off my face from Mrs. Johnston blasting the out-of-your-mind question at me, I said I planned to find some kind of work right away.

Little did I know that the day after I filled out the paperwork to retire, every dot.com company in the country, along with most other businesses, would announce they were laying off employees. I joined several million fellow Americans looking for work.

It was sort of like quitting your job on Oct. 28, 1929 and wondering why all those people are jumping out of their office buildings the next day as you look for a new job.

Right after the out-of-your-mind question, people usually ask if I get bored during the day now that I don't have a job to occupy my time. This question usually comes from people who aren't retired. I haven't been asked this question by people who are actually retired.

That's because people who are retired know you can fill up your day doing everything from reading to gardening to volunteering to doing absolutely nothing.

I have to admit that I have done the "absolutely nothing" activity for eight hours more times than I care to admit, especially when Mrs. Johnston comes home from her job and asks, "What did you do today, dear?"

Guilt - and fear - makes me avoid saying that I started my day by getting up last, then reading the newspapers while drinking coffee. After that, I made lunch and watched a television talk show where an interesting couple were fighting about having affairs. That wore me out so much I had to take a nap. I didn't wake up 'til I heard the front door slam.

"So, what did you do today?" I could ask.

Sure, I could say that, but I'm afraid The Truly Unpleasant Mrs. Johnston would become truly nasty and start using my head to drive a hole through the wall.

Instead, I tell her I spent the day writing because I've found you can spend the day "writing" and not actually do anything. Mrs. Johnston knows I don't like it when she reads my work before it's published because she makes small disapproving noises as she reads. Then she accuses me of bending the truth!

What I try to do is clean up a little around the house, plan something for dinner and then take a much-needed nap.

One last item is to leave the computer on with part of a story still on the screen so it looks like I've been working. Anything to avoid another out-of-your-mind question.

Steve Johnston is a recently retired Seattle Times reporter. Paul Schmid is a Times news artist.