Iraq war in focus
Discussing the war with those around you

Readers respond to the question: How are you handling disagreements about the war with your family and friends?

Toleration is the key. It is extremely unhealthy to desire to keep people from questioning things. Believe whatever you want, and accept what other people believe, but encourage people to look at all angles, including the possibility of things that one may not what to hear or believe about yourself or your country. Things really are not always as black and white as our President would like like us to believe. Falling into lock-step without looking at all angles leads to what happened in Nazi Germany. It is our duty as Americans to think, question, and allow and encourage others to always do the same without instantly discrediting them, or labeling them as Nazis or un-American ... whatever side you may land on. The flag belongs to those who question the war as much as those who follow whatever the Bush administration says.

I happen to be in support of this war, not for the reasons we went into it, but for its humanitarian results. I have close friends who are as anti-war as it gets. And others who are 100% in support of this war and of President Bush. We all have a lot of respect for each other and so we talk and argue and basically agree to disagree. Honestly, it's the differences between us that make our friendships so rich. How boring it would be if we all thought the same!

Still I think it's important to voice my opinion (against the war) in a calm, understanding tone. I think it important to listen to the other side, rather than shut off communication. Since the media is so one-sided, it's important to calmly educate people on why I oppose this war still.

The way I handle disagreements about the war with people is to remind them of all the things that Saddam Hussein has done. Then I tell them that if he isn't stopped now, what guarantee is there that he won't continue with his support of terrorism, or killing innocent people, or producing illegal weapons? If they still can't be persuaded to understand where I, and thousands of others, are coming from, then I just let them be, because I've informed them, and tried my best to convince them that Saddam's regime must fall. With my persistently persuasive and informative attitude they may understand in the long run.

Everyone in my family, including my lifelong Republican father who lives in Bellevue, my Egyptian brother-in-law, and the ultra-progressive members of our family, all agree that this war is a very bad choice. My sister works with Iraqi refugees; she's opposed to this war, and hears stories daily about how bad life was in Iraq. In my workplace, everyone is opposed. Likewise, my husband, who is a carpenter in a conservative industry, has said that every one of his co-workers is vocally opposed to the war. In my neighborhood, I've spoken with several families who are immediately proximate to me, and none of them support this war. And this is the south end, in a multicultural neighborhood. In fact, I'm really wondering who does support this. Who are the alleged 70% in the polls? Frankly, I don't believe it.

I've had some very good, constructive dialogue with war supporters generally. I try to balance my antiwar views with concern for the people in the middle -- peace supporters, war supporters, U.S. and British troops, and Iraqi civilians. I also try my best to find common ground even with people with whom I disagree strongly, even if I am repelled by the "fired-up" energy, and hostility to dissenters, that they sometimes project. I figure that if I am going to stand for peace, I need to be consistent about it and stand for peace in my own country and community besides. So I do my best to refrain from ridiculing or heckling anyone opposed to my views; when somebody shouts pro-war slogans from across the street, I just smile, wave and flash peace signs at them. It probably ticks them off all the more that they can't "get to me."

My conservative friend and I have been having an ongoing email debate over the war. The interesting thing is that I usually have liberal and opposing views. I thought for once we would agree, but we switched roles and I am arguing on the conservative side and he is surprisingly opposing me. While we respect one another’s arguments and have a logical debate going, the best thing it has done is open each other’s minds while we have been able to articulate our beliefs. It is good to talk about your beliefs and even argue as long as both parties remain open and respectful of the other’s points of view.

The only way I can handle the negative attitudes and remarks of those who oppose the war is to ignore them completely. I turn the channel when the press plays up to the peaceniks’ bad antics and poor displays of peaceful demonstrations — and I use the word peaceful in jest. I never get into a discussion with anyone; I quietly burn at their ignorance and know that our boys and President Bush are doing the right thing. My method is to attend Support Our Troops rallies and always cheer and honk my horn when passing a Support Our Troops rally. Thank you KVI for your continuing support of our country and our troops.

We are trying to be open minded enough to listen and maybe learn something from each other.

I think it's become very hard to agree or disagree with family members and friends because everyone voices their opinion differently. I've handle the situation by listening and letting my friends/family air out and then speak. We have gotten into conflicts but everyone seems to understand how we all have different opinions. I can honestly say that I have very understanding friends/family who don't get mad for speaking out about the war either being just or unjust.

We're exchanging articles & opinion pieces from all over the world by email, several times per day. This gives a nice balance & prevents knee-jerk, propaganda-based opinions that one tends to get when watching government & military-sponsored monopolistic media conglomerates such as owned by Rupert Murdoch & Clear Channel. Also thinking ahead to the 2004 presidential, senatorial and congressional elections & how to have the disenfranchised be represented, instead of just the moneyed & influential.

As the old saying goes, do not speak about religion or politics.

After much discussion we have found our disagreements have come about due to the different input we each are receiving. What newspaper we read, radio station we listen to and especially television news we watch is the source for many misunderstandings. After three weeks of comparing, we have found NBC, CBS, CNN, and especially ABC and BBC to be anti-war, anti-coalition and to place emphasis on any war-related negative they can find. And we are concerned about Al-Jazeera TV when this is going on in the good ol' U.S.A. We found FoxNews to be the most "fair and balanced" as they maintain, as well as the first to break.

I have tried to gather as much information as I can, in order to be ready when my pro-war family and friends (most of them are) try to tell me that I need to change my opinions. I believe that the pro-war view is prevalent because of the government's influence on our media, and that if people get the full story, they will be better able to make an informed decision. Since the full story has to be mined from the Internet, and most people do not bother, I have taken on the role of doing that for everyone I know. However, this has not made me popular with anyone. I have, in fact, been asked to not send any more information by a few people, whose minds are already made up and don't want to see it.

In order to handle disagreements about the war with my family, I have chosen to not talk with them at about the war on Iraq. We debated the issues last fall and again in January and we completely disagreed. Instead, I have surrounded myself with people who feel as I do and have spent time reading the facts and trying to keep an objective and open mind. Eventually, I just have to get out of the house to laugh, to cry, to meditate and to exercise. I have also stepped up my contribution to charity work as an attempt to make our world a better place for all people.