Slim, beautiful — she was the one

KERALA, India — India is modernizing, but when it comes to marriage, most are still arranged, and it can be an expensive proposition for both families.

Our driver, Pankaj, 30, married in August. His wife is 20 and just graduated from nursing school.

He met her just once before he decided.The meeting took place at her family's home, and he brought along his two brothers and a friend.

"She was slim and beautiful. Very attractive," he said. He could have said "no," but the match was arranged by a family friend, and he felt it was right.

Several meetings between the families followed to work out the dowry arrangements.

The couple would live with his mother and father, the tradition in India, and because Pankaj works in Kochi, 100 miles from his hometown, his wife would be with his parents most of the time.

Her family paid his family $400 in cash, and the balance in gold, about $800 worth of gold chains and bracelets. Most are hers to wear — every Indian woman wears gold — and he wears one around his neck.

Pankaj paid for the wedding breakfast, lunch, dinner, videos and music out of his taxi driver's salary of about $100 a month, plus loans from friends.

In India, your driver is more than just a driver, especially if he's with you for several days. He's your guide and interpreter, and all around main man.

Pankaj usually spends the night in the car rather than pay for a hotel room, but he's been able to take advantage of dorm rooms provided by the owners of some of the places where we've stayed.

He shows up each morning wearing a neatly pressed white shirt and slacks. He's always on time, usually early and speaks excellent English. He doesn't take us to tourist shops that pay commissions to drivers, but he knows where to buy the best spices and where to find clean toilets and restaurants.

One of his dreams is to buy an Ambassador car. But his top priority is to get an apartment in Kochi for him and his wife.

Right now, he goes home only once a month and stays for just one or two days. His train ticket costs $1.

Sometimes taxi drivers will tell you that they have children to put through school or medical bills to pay, in order to get a bigger tip.

Pankaj volunteered none of this information. I asked.