A real heritage tour for adopted children

After 36 hours we were finally there.

We'd flown from Detroit through Los Angeles to Hong Kong and on to New Delhi, where our group of adoptive parents and kids stepped in to small buses and rode into the riot that is transportation in India.

Never mind that they drive on the wrong side (OK, wrong to me) of the road — a legacy of the British era — because with mopeds, motor bikes, taxis, buses, trucks and the occasional sacred cow all fighting to make five lanes out of two, the confusion is complete. Throw in the blaring horns and the jet-lagged traveler gets a mind-boggling introduction to a fascinating country.

Welcome home, kids.

For our children — Rekha, 14, and Devin, 18 — it was a glimpse of their homeland. They came to us when they were 10 months and 7 months old, respectively, and have no recollections of their early days in Bombay (now Mumbai) foster homes.

My wife, Kathryn Trudeau, and I have always planned to take the kids back to India. We wanted to give them a firm footing in both of their cultures. Adopted kids confront lots of questions — one of the foremost being "Why didn't they want me?" — and it's unlikely we'll ever have perfect answers to a lot of them.

But we might be able to take some of the mystery out of the kids' early lives. We might give them a hint of what led to being put up for adoption. We might provide a chance for them to appreciate their cultural history and heritage.

Our trip with the Ties program, a service based in Wisconsin, offered a way to introduce our kids to their homeland and gave them a chance to bond with other adopted kids on the trip. And we got to bond with the parents who had done what we'd done — brought children from halfway around the world into our lives.

Together, we saw a New Delhi orphanage and school; Agra and the Taj Mahal; Jaipur's renowned Amber Fort and countless other sights, big and small.

Kathryn and I are not normally bus-tour types, but this turned out to be different. The group aspect contributed greatly to the positive impressions we brought back from the very different world that is India. Traveling with families from places such as Colorado, Iowa and Minnesota gave us a broader perspective on the sights and sounds we experienced.

The kids, meanwhile, had a built-in support group for late-night discussions and hanging out. Sometimes the bus itself became our oasis as we fled from heartrending, relentless beggar children and incredibly aggressive trinket salesmen.

After the first week of touring historical and cultural spots, the group split up for a long weekend, flying off to Calcutta, Mumbai, Chennai and other cities to visit our children's birthplaces.

Perhaps the most meaningful moments took place in Mumbai as we sat with the foster mothers who cared for our children as babies and then sent them halfway around the world into our arms.

These women smiled as they met the teenage versions of the children they'd entrusted to us years ago. Rekha and Devin glowed in the company of their foster mothers.

Back together in Delhi, we compared experiences and found that each family had answered a few questions — and raised even more.

India is perplexing. There is grinding poverty. Housing that looks rundown on the outside might be sumptuous inside. Traffic completely clogs every street but the auto companies want to sell more cars. The poor live in the streets next to the rich. It can take hours — but only a few dollars — to cross a city like Mumbai in a taxi. Most jobs are done with legions of people, not machinery.

After two weeks I can't say I know India. We saw a small part of the vast subcontinent. But both of our children felt at home there, and they want to return, maybe to study or work.

That embrace of their heritage may be the best outcome of all.