Grating at week's news

True story.

Walking through a large hardware enterprise that shall not be named (OK: Home Depot), carrying a heavy concrete block in each hand, I look around and see a single check stand open, with eight people in line.

I take the big blocks over to customer service. I ask one of four people standing in orange aprons if someone can possibly interrupt his/her schedule to check me out. Guy perched on stool nods toward the store's shiny, new self-checkout lanes.

I look at the giant, rough-hewed blocks in hand, and then at the fragile, expensive scanner screens.

I imagine the possibilities: the delightful scraping of concrete over glass as I grind the block back and forth and ask the self-checkout attendant: "Do you know the code for this? It doesn't seem to scan."

Instead, I just put down the blocks and walked out the door. I will always consider it a missed opportunity.

Other grating topics:

Speaking Of Home Depot: A current radio spot pitching Christmas trees says: "That fresh pine scent of Christmas is now more affordable than ever thanks to our $19.97 Douglas firs." Huh?

Speaking Of Wooden: KIRO-FM News Talk 97.3 interrupted Dave Ross' show on Thursday to bring breathless, live coverage of the Seahawks news conference announcing the resignation of general manager Tim Ruskell. Bad call. The news of a departing suit for the Seahawks — for most non-sports-fanatics, a nonevent — was sufficiently stupefying to make one yearn for a 30-minute Ciscoe Morris treatise on begonias.

NOAA's Ark Drifts: The federal Government Accountability Office has upheld an appeal over the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's plan to move its Pacific headquarters from Seattle to Newport, Ore. Apparently NOAA violated a federal statute that prohibits relocating to places where there's absolutely nothing to do on a Friday night.

You Could See This Coming: The bill to overhaul the nation's health-care system was stymied again when every senator stepping forward to cast a vote on an amendment was required to fork over a $20 co-payment.

A Reasonable Plea: Golfer and Nike icon Tiger Woods asks that, in these difficult times of transgressional reflection, he be allowed the right of privacy due any ordinary person who makes hundreds of millions of dollars by thrusting his name and face squarely in the public eye at every available opportunity.

Speaking Of Liars: Convicted drug cheat/former track star Marion Jones says she wants to make a comeback by trying out for a WNBA team at age 34. C'mon, Marion. Let's just cut to the chase and schedule the inevitable Ultimate Cage Fighting match with Tonya Harding.

Thinking Outside The (Converter) Box: Cable giant Comcast is buying up a majority share of NBC Universal. It's the first step in a new plan to improve consumer choice by making formerly free bad television available to the entire world for $129 a month.

Not That We Don't Believe Them Anymore: But did anyone notice that we ran a news story detailing Boeing's new "firm" date for the first flight of the alleged 787 Dreamliner on page A21?

And Finally: Sometimes, it's just hard to laugh. So the usual closing quip is being withheld in favor of a moment of respect and appreciation for every cop we know, and all those we don't.

A section. E-mail: rjudd@seattletimes.com