Back and ready to rip through all the news

Pardon the interruption.

While we were off playing newspaper for six weeks, several Wrap-worthy moments passed right by, taunting us with their stupidity. Fear not. In the interest of catching up later, we kept careful notes on a Tofurkey wrapper. Here goes:

Election Stunner: In a nail-filer of a race, some nondescript white guy from North Seattle was elected mayor. He is expected to usher in an era of ennui and discombobulation.

I-Man's Continued Spiral: The big election news was another solid gut punch to professional initiative huckster Tim Eyman. Humble request: Can you editorial writers on the Eyman bandwagon now please officially retire the hackneyed phrase, "He's unpopular with everyone but the voters"?

Free at Last: Somehow we missed the memo that came out when everything in the world, from cereals to countertops, became "gluten free." Question: How did humanity advance this far with all that gluten coursing through its veins?

OS IOU: Boy, that Windows 7 sure sounds like an improvement. We'll let you know after the "free Win 7 upgrade" that HP and Microsoft promised with the purchase of that new laptop over the summer arrives sometime in fall 2014.

Back to new news:

Not That They're Self-Absorbed or Anything: Some people in Laurelhurst are whining about the proposed expansion of Children's Hospital because they say it will clog traffic. You can see their point. Healing the world's helpless children is nice and all, but if it's going to make me late to pick up the kids at judo practice, well ...

Say It Ain't So, O: Oprah's show will shut down when her current contract with herself expires in 2011. It creates the horrifying possibility that the women of America will have to decide for themselves what to read.

This Week's Great Marketing Catch-Phrase: The homemade-soap hawker at our local farmer's market sold us three big bars by guaranteeing the scents were all "dude-friendly."

Your Tax Dollars at Work: It's probably just a coincidence, but Iraq and Afghanistan, two countries we're currently liberating, both rank in the bottom five in a new "World's Least Corrupt Nations" survey.

Since You Asked: The winning nation in that survey was New Zealand, where people are too busy shearing sheep to fleece the public.

And Since You Also Asked: The U.S. was 19th. Add being bad to the growing list of things we're not all that good at anymore.

There's Old, and Then There's Old: Congrats to Sen. Robert Byrd, D-Paleolithic Era, who last week surpassed several fossils in the Smithsonian to become the most ancient single object in Washington, D.C.

Cementing a Deal: The Washington Post reports that President Obama and the Chinese are closing in on "concrete emission-reduction goals." About time. It's one thing to emit too many dangerous greenhouse gases. But emitting concrete is just plain ugly.

Health Update: Medical experts are now saying women don't need to have regular breast exams until they reach their 50s. Women in their 40s want to know: Does that mean they get credit for time served?

And Finally: Another "non-Starbucks" is opening in Seattle. Big deal. We've been going to our own non-Starbucks for years. It's called Tully's.

A section and Thursday's Sports section. E-mail: rjudd@seattletimes.com