Airliner really knows how to hit below the belt

Somehow you knew it would come to this.

The head of Ryanair reportedly has asked Boeing to design an airplane restroom door that can only be unlocked by paying with a credit card. We can already see the MasterCard commercial in the works for the airlines' new pay-per-loo service:

Four Heinekens: $28.

Four Diet Cokes and two bottles of water: Free

Getting the #$&! bathroom door open? Priceless.

More pressurized extortion:

Please, No Loitering: That airline official, Michael O'Leary, insisted airline pay toilets would help put curbs on "unnecessary visits to the toilet." He's got a point there. Most of us will leap at any chance to squeeze into one of those Quaker Oats cylinders and just hang out for no reason.

Soaking Up Some Rays: The Department of Energy is expanding its tours of the Hanford nuclear reservation. Please, people: Not everyone at once.

You've Got To Hand It To Costco: The warehouse retail giant, during a period of record home foreclosures, advertises this on the cover of its magazine, Costco Connection: "Special Section: Outdoor living."

Wake Us When It Arrives: In a speech in Columbus, Ohio, President Obama, D-Esquire, insisted the most recent economic-stimulus plan is already working. Maybe it's just taking a while for that giant recovery surge to make its way across the Rockies and out here to the West.

Special Message For Barack: Maybe someone, somewhere, is impressed with your administration's Jell-O wrestling match with drug-addled gasbag Rush Limbaugh. But you can get back to the economy anytime you're ready.

What's Good For the Digital Goose: U.S. regulators, worried that millions of Americans are still unprepared for the switch to digital TV, are mulling yet another delay to the new medium. So how come nobody ever stopped the world and let us newspaper people catch up when the rest of the planet switched to the Internet?

The Week's Competing Media Quote Of The Week: "With Craigslist, there is no need for pimps." — "Catherine," a 35-year-old sex worker in San Francisco, extolling the client "filtering" virtues of the popular online classified service.

It Runs In The Family: In her first serious misstep, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-Traveling Pantsuits, claimed that democracy in the United States was older than Europe's. She later clarified that it "depends on what the meaning of 'was' is."

Lying Between Bad Teeth: Two out of three Brits have lied about reading books they really haven't touched, with George Orwell's "1984" at the top of the list, a study shows. Also high on the fib list: The voluminous "War and Peace," which, it now turns out, was never even read cover to cover by Leo Tolstoy.

He's Outta There: CNN commentator Dr. Sanjay Gupta became the latest Obama administration cabinet-post fish to wriggle off the hook. Sources said the surgeon general's post will now be offered to either Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura or Dr Pepper.

Oh Yeah? Optimists live longer, healthier lives than pessimists, a new study suggests. Personally, I find that hard to believe.

Just In Time For Fecal Fest: Woodland Park Zoo officials canceled their spring sale of Zoo Doo compost because high levels of an herbicide were found in the stuff. City residents still desiring a fresh dung fix are advised to attend any upcoming committee meeting of the Seattle City Council.

And Finally: Japan is mulling a plan to put a robot on the moon by 2020. Wolf Blitzer has already requested an application.

A section and Thursday's Sports section. Email: rjudd@seattletimes.com