Thanking our lucky stars for these non-headlines

Since the year that wouldn't end finally almost has, it's a natural time to reflect.

Most news people look back and ruminate on the year that was. Not us. Being glass-half-full people, we're looking at a pretty bad year, but thinking it could have been much, much worse.

As you wrestle that overpriced tree through the door, pause a moment and give thanks for 2008 headlines you didn't see:

Modern Medicine Shocker: Aging, Penniless Baby Boomers Can Now Be Kept Alive, Taxed Indefinitely

Obama Withdraws, Concedes GOP Doing "Heckuva Job"

Economists Confirm Link Between Global Recession, Freeway Left-Lane Campers

Nomination Hearings Begin for U.S. Secretary of Defense Nominee Tyrone Willingham

Oklahoma City, Tired of Dust Bowl and Crappy NBA team, Announces Move to Seattle

Dino Rossi to Continue Debating Self Ad Nauseam

Tim Eyman's Long-Lost Twin Brother Jim Announces Move to Washington State

Congress Approves Multi-Billion-Dollar Bailout for Used-Car Dealers, Major League Baseball Owners

A Peek Under the Parka: Jim Forman to Bare All Atop Snoqualmie Summit in January GQ

Divisive Old-School Pol Hillary Clinton Nominated for Secretary of State

Oops. That last one actually slipped under the transom. But you can't have everything, right?

Other leftovers:

Speaking Of Great Foresight: Has anyone heard lately from any of those geniuses who went out and paid the bloated sticker price for a gas-guzzling American car on the promise of $2.99-a-gallon gas for three years?

Franken-Stein Rises: Former comedian Al Franken has finally pulled ahead of his opponent, incumbent Sen. Norm Coleman, in a recount for the 1976 U.S. Senate race in Minnesota.

A Good First (And Second) Step: In the spirit of the Iraqi shoe-thrower, a few other accessory-related acts of civil disobedience we'd love to see: Eyeglasses hurled in general direction of Donald Rumsfeld. Cone-shaped brassieres raining down on Alex Rodriguez. Floral-print moo-moo flung at Oprah.

Speaking Of The Shoe Chucker: One way to tell we don't live in a just world: Nobody hurled their boots at Howard Schultz at that news conference on the day he sold the Sonics down the river.

Still Speaking: The Shoe Chucker, as he was being hauled away, called President Bush a "dog." The Commander in Chief had no comment, but did snarl and nip the guy on the ankle.

Meanwhile, In The Lesser Washington: The Federal Reserve, cutting interest rates to record lows, announced 0 percent financing for all banks, with a free undercoating to those who pull the trigger by Dec. 31. If this doesn't turn things around, they're going to just start dumping cash in the streets.

Ready For Those Gripping Nil-Nil Ties: The Seattle Sounders introduced their new coach, Sigi Schmid. No joke here; we just take great joy in typing the name, "Sigi Schmid."

Just Call It A Toppelmayr: Canadian safety investigators and officials with lift-maker Doppelmayr have pinpointed ice buildup as the cause of a collapsed gondola support tower at Whistler-Blackcomb Resort. Attorneys for Whistler-Blackcomb issued a statement noting that no reasonable person could ever have foreseen ice at a ski resort.

Down In Front: Some patrons of Anthony's waterfront restaurant are tired of looking at a huge container ship blocking their view of the Olympics. Come to think of it, all that gray water is sort of a nuisance, as well.

And Finally: A shorts-clad Seattle jogger ran through snow and freezing temperatures to try to hit all 27 Seattle Public Library branches the other day. For the love of God, somebody get this guy a Kindle for Christmas.

A section and Thursday's Northwest Weekend section. Email: rjudd@seattletimes.com