900 line could be factor in solving budget crisis

We're sure they mean well.

But we suspect legislators and budget officials in Olympia are far too concerned about a projected $5 billion hole in the state biennial budget.

A ready source of revenue has presented itself, and, as usual, it's sitting there, untapped. Our simple, two-step solution to the budget dilemma:

• Set up a special hotline where Bill O'Reilly sheep can phone in and bleat about the infamous atheist sign allowed in our hallowed state Capitol by weak-kneed, anti-American Gov. Christine Gregoire.

• Make sure it's a 900 line; extra-special long-distance rates apply.

Other yule fog:

He's Come To Save The Day: One of the loudest counter-protestors to emerge in the Capitol atheist-sign squabble was — big surprise — the Rev. Ken Hutcherson of Antioch Bible Church. He has every right, of course, but we worry a little: While Hutch is fighting the godless Commies in Olympia, who's warding off the global takeover conspiracy by gay people?

The Week's Big Question: Is it possible to look any more of a cad than someone who goes to Olympia, in a time when thousands of low-income people are being booted off the state basic health-care plan, and ask lawmakers to fork over $150 million to revamp Husky Stadium?

The Week's Big Answer: Well, yeah. You could assemble a bunch of your Washington State University cronies to show up and oppose allocating the stadium money — for reasons you insist are completely altruistic.

This Just In: Completion of the new, plastic, 787 Pipe-Dreamliner has been postponed by yet another six months. Boeing officials have assured it'll be ready in time to fly the Huskies to their next Rose Bowl appearance.

Canned Juice: O.J. Simpson was sentenced to at least nine years in prison by a judge in Nevada for his role in an armed hotel heist. At long last, the golf courses of the world are safe from O.J.'s relentless search for the real killers.

The Week's Chutzpah Award: One of O.J.'s attorneys, upon hearing the sentence, asked the judge to grant a motion to have his upstanding, first-time-offending client released on bail pending appeal.

Hooking Readers Left And Right: Disgraced former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer has a new job writing an online column for Slate magazine. The regular column is free. But if you want the Extra Special Par-tay version, it's going to cost you 50 bucks.

Can You Hear Me Now? U.S. Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, R-Paranoid, hung up on President-elect Obama and his chief of staff, thinking she was the victim of a prank phone call. A recording of the embarrassing phone snafu was immediately listed on eBay by U.S. Rep. Jim McDermott, D-Baghdad.

Speaking Of McD: Nice job, sending over that Christmas ornament for the White House tree with the impeachment resolution language painted on it. What's your next smooth move to make a political point? Land mines at the White House Easter egg roll?

Fund For The Greedy Update: Ford has offered to cut the salary of its CEO, ex-Boeing honcho Alan Mulally, to $1 a year if the company gets a government bailout. It's unspeakably selfless. But something tells us the other $20 million or so he walks away with in nonsalary compensation every year would keep him from the shame of joining the ranks of Ford Fiesta drivers anytime soon.

And Finally: A police officer in Bellingham, where a fire station recently caught on fire, was shocked to see his patrol car disappear after leaving it unlocked and running outside a notorious downtown nightspot. Note to city employees: Pay no mind to camera crews shadowing you in coming weeks. They're just filming "Jackass 4."