Skyjacker D.B. Cooper was a man — here's how we know

It might be just a coincidence. But every time it starts to get really hot around here, heads bake and new theories arise about the D.B. Cooper skyjacking.

The latest: In a new book, a Puyallup couple throws out the possibility that the famed hijacker may actually have been Barb Dayton, who had undergone a sex-change operation two years earlier, but dressed and acted like a man during the hijacking to fool authorities.

Interesting notion, but the FBI says it has slam-dunk evidence to the contrary:

It turns out the suspect used the plane restroom before parachuting out the back door.

And he left the seat up.

Other Bad Mannerisms:

The Week's Thinking-Ahead Award: King County is testing a new 911 system that will allow people to report emergencies with text messages. We're no experts, but we're guessing the most common text-messaged plea will be: "HLP-IM-ON-FI ... "

Attention, Grieving Starbucks Lovers: If your local store is one of 600 to close, our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Then Again: You could always just quit whining and walk to the one across the street.

News Bulletin for Sports Fans: Because of a Stage 1 burning ban imposed around Puget Sound, all burning of Clayton Bennett and Howard Schultz effigies should cease and desist until further notice.

Brown Trout Derby Update: There's a big spat in Victoria, B.C., about whether a new floating restroom at Fisherman's Wharf needs a city permit. Man, can you imagine the stones it takes for an apparatchik of a city that has dumped raw sewage into the Strait of Juan de Fuca for more than a century to be hassling the local harbor authority about a public-toilet permit?

Maybe They Can Land One Of Ours: Seattle's own million-dollar automated public toilets went on the eBay auction block this week. Starting bid price: $89,000. Not bad, considering each one comes with its own hooker.

Surveillance Society Update: Spy cameras have started photographing license plates at ferry terminals such as Colman Dock. The State Patrol says it's just to spot terrorists (tip to WSP: Watch for special vanity plate "OSAMA"). But somehow we suspect that sooner or later, they're not going to let you off Bainbridge Island until you've paid your library fines and recited the Pledge of Allegiance.

He's On a Roll: Crime-fighting news superhero Jesse Jones, star of KING-5's "Get Jesse!" consumer-action segment, now has wrangled $11,000 out of the city of Seattle for a woman whose large fir tree was improperly cut down by utility crews. Can't we get this guy a job with the Congressional Budget Office?

Vote Yes on I-6.5 Million: Is anyone else shocked that new state initiative numbers, like the hotly contested Initiative 1000, are now in four digits? Blame Gov. non-elect Tim Eyman. The professional initiative huckster used up the first 950 numbers just to keep himself in Dockers.

Just Wondering: In an op-ed piece in Thursday's Times, Congresswoman Cathy McMorris Rodgers advocates an "all-of-the-above" approach to solving the nation's energy crisis — by drilling for more oil and "reforming" environmental laws. Why is it that to so many of her ilk, tighter mileage requirements for automakers is never one of "the above?"

It's-Just-Sad Dept.: We can't decide which is a sadder comment on society: People lining up overnight for an iPhone, or those Time-Life "Flower Power" '70s-rock CD commercials starring the corpse of Peter Fonda wearing a black motorcycle jacket.

And Finally: Delta Air Lines, which has lost approximately $7 billion since the start of the year, has announced a new baggage-check fee system — first bag free. Second bag, $7 billion.

A section and Thursday's Northwest Weekend section. Email: rjudd@seattletimes.com