Hey, Toots — grab the "Mad Men" a P.C. handbook, would ya please?

Sometimes those Emmy-nominated "Mad Men" on AMC are bad men, especially when it comes to their workplace etiquette.

The cleverly written television show with the haunting theme music and striking period fashion takes place in the pre-politically correct early 1960s at the fictitious Sterling Cooper Advertising Agency on Madison Avenue.

Scotch-swilling and chain-smoking male executives simultaneously try to advance their careers and make advances on their husband-hunting and tightly girdled female secretaries.

Black employees are relegated to domestic, delivery and elevator-operating jobs. And the lone female copywriter must run errands for her male counterparts while contending with jealousy from her former colleagues in the secretarial pool.

It's a different world than we know now — thanks to civil rights and employment laws passed later in the 1960s and in the '70s — but one that really existed.

"For the time period that it's depicting, I believe it's fairly accurate," said Ray Gibney, an assistant professor in Penn State Harrisburg's School of Business Administration.

While some of the office discussions in "Mad Men" — about the secretaries' figures and the age requirements of new hires — are illegal today, Gibney suspects they still occur.

"We've just learned to couch many of the conversations in a different way," he said. "We've just become a little more subtle."

And the "old boys' network" among the advertising executives still exists in that "we see people being left out of conversations due to gender or ethnicity," Gibney said.

The second-season premiere of "Mad Men" began Sunday. Three professionals, with a combined 45 years' experience in human-resource management, watched the show and were asked to identify workplace behaviors that would likely get you reprimanded, fired or sued today.

They found enough to make a personnel professional cringe, although not all of it was illegal. Some of it was simply wildly inappropriate.

For instance, it would be illegal today to ask job applicants their age and marital status, as main character Don Draper did in one scene. "He was right out there. 'Are you married?' " observed Debra Whitmoyer, vice president of operations at Neiman Group.

It's a tougher call on a lot of the ogling and flirting that goes on at Sterling Cooper.

When partner Roger Sterling tells the curvaceous office manager Joan Holloway that he would like to see her "valentine" and she responds "on my way out," they are both being inappropriate, said Kelly Gorman, a human-resources manager at Penn National Insurance.

Today, when such attention is one-sided and unwelcome, it can become grounds for a lawsuit alleging sexual harassment and a hostile workplace, Gorman said.

The men also acted inappropriately when they referred to the secretaries as "girls," according to the three professionals. "I don't think you can call women girls anymore," said Amy Beamer, partner and chief operating officer of Pavone advertising.

Some scenes just drew laughter from the three — like the one in which Sterling Cooper gets the latest in new office technology — a Xerox machine — and an employee playfully copies his face on it. "At least it's the face," Whitmoyer dryly observed.

"I think when one of the men referred to the copier as a gift for the girls, that's bad form," Beamer said.

Beamer also found it "a little sexist" that the copier ended up in the office of the female copywriter.

As for all that smoking and drinking in the Sterling Cooper office, today smoking is regulated by various state laws.

But drinking in an office isn't illegal. It is, however, a matter of company policy — and good luck finding a company that will let you belt back whiskey at work the way the men at Sterling Cooper do.