Paula Abdul: not guilty. Really, did Fox need to go all Kenneth Starr on Paula for three months and 600 hours just to discredit former contestant Corey Clark? All they had to do was watch "Primetime Live: Fallen Idol" on ABC. Whatever.

"American Idol" fans may rest easy; it's safe to say Paula isn't going anywhere because she probably has to work off all those legal bills. Personally, I was excited by rumors of Whitney Houston replacing Paula as an "Idol" judge. She already has a gold mine of catchphrases to choose from: "Hell to the no!" "I am not doing this with you today." "Ya'll playin'. Ya'll playin'. Ya'll playin'." In fact, I'm going to suggest that Martha Stewart acquire the rights to "Hell to the no!" for her version of "The Apprentice."

Looking forward ... CBS has announced the cast of "Survivor: Guatemala" (premieres 8 p.m. Sept. 15, KIRO) and I'm pleased to note that this season we get not one, but two locals to call our own. Lydia Morales, 42, is a fishmonger from Lakewood. I haven't a clue what a fishmonger is, so let's move on to Brianna Varela, 21, of Edmonds.

Now here is a contestant I can get behind. Brianna is a makeup artist whose favorite colors are "hot pink and turquoise together" and whose favorite sport is "dancing." She reads Us Weekly magazine, loves "The Surreal Life" and lists among her favorite actresses Britney Spears and "any hot chick." Now as far as I can recall, Britney Spears is not an actress, and yes I am kindly forgetting "Crossroads" on purpose. I can't wait to see what Brianna brings as her luxury item; I hope it's something awesome like eyeliner.

Speaking of girly girls — and I say this not at all pejoratively because these are my people — Nicole Richie has reportedly moved up the release date of her film debut, "Kids in America," so as not to compete with the premiere of Paris Hilton's "Pledge This!" in November. This evidence of the former BFFs' continued rift bodes well for "The Simple Life 4," for which both stars will return despite Paris' best efforts to replace Nicole with Kimberly Stewart. I think this is a genius move on Fox's part because the only way I'm going to watch another season is if it's called "The Simple Life: Bridezillas."

And now for the week that was:

"Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List"

"Every single day I want to crack open a can of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls and eat them in private while watching Oprah." I never knew how much I had in common with Kathy Griffin. Only I get the ready-made kind because I don't do ovens. (10 p.m. Wednesdays, Bravo)

"Being Bobby Brown"

I love it when Whitney Houston acts like Anna Nicole Smith. "Ri-i-ide! Ride like the wind! Ri-i-ide like the wind!" And then she busted out with this weird robot dance. I would put this in context for you, but there was none. (10 p.m. Thursdays, Bravo)

Jose Canseco: "Why can't men wear colored lip gloss? Seriously." Shortly after, Jose put on a pair of pink lace boy shorts. And by "boy shorts," I do mean women's underwear. To quote Aunt Sassy: "I don't need to see that!" (9 p.m. Sundays, VH1)

"Tommy Lee Goes to College"

Disclaimer: "Tommy Lee attended classes but was not an enrolled student at [University of Nebraska]. Some elements have been produced and/or edited for comedy." I bet Tommy's presence in the Cornhuskers marching band will probably produce some decent "This one time, in band camp... " stories. (Premieres 9 tonight, KING)

"Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County"

Is it wrong that "Laguna" paired with last night's season premiere of "My Super Sweet 16" makes MTV's Monday-night 10-spot one of the highlights of my week? OK, don't answer that. (10 p.m. Mondays, MTV)

"My Kind of Town"

You'd think my viewing-comprehension skills would be better at this point, but I watched this entire show and I couldn't tell you what it's about. However, I applaud the torching of a pair of Birkenstock-type sandals on a barbecue and I think the concept of "Extreme Musical Chairs" has legs. (9 p.m. Sundays, KOMO)

Pamela Sitt: 206-464-2376 or psitt@seattletimes.com