Ron Judd / Times staff columnist
Pedestrians have own Games: not getting hit

DEAN RUTZ / THE SEATTLE TIMES Netherlands coxswain Ester Workel gets a congratulatory kiss from one of several exuberant fans who swam out to greet the women's eight rowing teams. The fans were arrested.

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ATHENS — They have rules for just about everything at the Olympics. But the local Athens News took the gold for helpful instruction the other day by publishing guidelines for walking.

Actually, this is not as dumb as it sounds, given that the streets of Athens are like one of those Tyco slot-car tracks, with the taxi cabs representing the loosey-goosey cars that keep flying off the track and going into the goldfish bowl.

Stepping off the curb in downtown Athens can be the thrill of a lifetime — which is good, because your lifetime might be over as soon as the next bus or insane 19-year-old kid on a Ninja Death Bike comes around the corner at what cops would call "an unusually high rate of speed."

So, just in case you're planning to come to Athens and, like us, wander around in the deepest heat-induced stupor we personally have experienced since the first Democratic debate, we bring you the following official Athens Pedestrian Rules, purloined from the more than 40 pages of walking instructions in the Greek Traffic Code, which has yet to be fully deciphered by cryptographers.

1. Pedestrians do have rights, i.e., you have the right to be peeled off the steaming pavement with a large spatula after a media bus turns you into an Eggo waffle.

2. "Pedestrians must walk on the pavement. They are only allowed to walk on the road if there is no pavement. But pedestrians walking on the road should not block traffic." Your guess is as good as ours here.

3. Jaywalking is allowed, sort of. When you're crossing without a signal, you're supposed to obey traffic lights. If there are no lights, no crossings or no anything, pedestrians "should not step into the road before taking into consideration the distance and speed of the approaching vehicles." Translation: You're on your own, Spanky.

4. "Pedestrians must cross the road in a straight line and without stopping (for no good reason) in the middle of the road. They must also walk briskly across the road."

5. "People in wheelchairs are allowed to travel on the side of the road if they cannot use the pavement."

To which we add our own corollary, based on personal experience:

6. Pedestrians always have the right of way. Unless something is coming.

7. All vehicles must stop before the thick white line indicating a pedestrian crossing. Unless they would rather not.

	DOUGLAS C. PIZAC / THE ASSOCIATED PRESS American shooter Matt Emmons signals to officials that he thinks his target malfunctioned. Actually, he hit the wrong target, which cost him the gold medal.

Litigation update

Word on the street: The Court of Arbitration for Sport is going to deny the South Koreans' demand to overturn Paul Hamm's gold medal in gymnastics. But to make the jilted Korean Peninsula feel better, they're poised to strip Apolo Ohno's speedskating gold from Salt Lake City.

Medal dealers

Actually, the rumor is that the U.S. delegation might be offering to make everyone happy by allowing a second gold medal to be awarded to the jilted Korean gymnast, a la the Canadian ice dancers.

Gee, that's big of them.

By the way: Didn't we warn at the time about that decision setting a nasty Olympic precedent?

Someone please alert Jesse Ventura

Before the Olympics, a number of American rowers in the silver-medal women's eight boat said they felt safe in Athens because their venue was protected by the Navy SEALs. But yesterday, after crossing the finish line, a couple dozen adoring fans swam all the way out to a few of the shells to greet the winners.

It's a wonder no one was harpooned.

Cellphone malaise

About noon yesterday, the entire Summer Olympics ran out of cellphone minutes.

This is pretty much true.

Greek cellphone providers Vodafone and Cosmote have devised an ingenious pay-as-you go mobile-phone package. It works thusly: Make one call, receive one call, "recharge" your phone with a 20-euro card. Make another call, receive another call, recharge your phone with a 20-euro card. Make another call ...

Repeat as necessary.

It has created the most convenient and prolific dog-ate-my-homework excuse for the Summer Olympics: "I must have missed your call because my phone ran out of minutes."

Attention, news editors:

The following words, strung together in this or any other fashion, no longer constitute a news story: "Another weightlifter has tested positive."

Incoming!

Matt Emmons, from Browns Mills, N.J., was cruising toward his second gold medal in the men's three-position rifle competition yesterday when he made a small error: He shot at the wrong target, for a score of zippo, which knocked him all the way down to eighth place.

Emmons' explanation:

"Stuff happens."

Incoming, II

Yes, we checked, and security blimp Kostas, rumored to be dangerously near the shooting course when Emmons began firing, is still aloft.

Chain reaction

As a result of the above shooting flub, Michael Anti of Winterville, N.C., won a silver medal in the men's three-position rifle, creating the following media alert from the U.S. Olympic Committee: "Anti media availability at Main Press Center."

So do we go or not?

RSVPeeved

Swimwear giant Speedo invited all us journos to a post-Olympic swim party last night — sort of. The company sent along detailed plans to get to the soiree, where reporters could stand outside and watch famed swimmers like Michael Phelps walk through the doors.

We forwarded the e-mail to Joan Rivers.

Sherwin-Williams dept.

Every Olympic facility here has an official fact sheet in the computerized Olympic Info system, describing its look in some detail.

Yesterday, we called up the one for Panathinaiko Stadium, a solid-marble structure. To quote the guide:

"Look of the venue: White."

On the other hand

Not many sport stadiums can fill out a line like this one:

"Year opened: 330 B.C."

And we thought the Kingdome was obsolete.

Ron Judd: 206-464-8280 or at rjudd@seattletimes.com.

Copyright © 2004 The Seattle Times Company

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