When couples split up, children get hurt

WASHINGTON is a no-fault divorce state, which means that no one is at fault when a marriage ends. It is hard to believe that no one is at fault when it comes to something as serious as divorce.

In a country where more than 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, I ask the question: Is it not time to take a second look to see if no-fault divorce is a reality? We should take a second look at what we can do to reduce the divorce rate. The alternative is to blissfully keep plugging along while kids and society continue to be the big losers.

Why is it harder for a 16-year-old to get a driver's license than it is for a married couple to get a divorce? In America, people are always looking for a quick fix, and sometimes there is none. We would rather take a pill that would give us immediate gratification. We want quick answers to life's problems without looking at the long-term cost. There are some things in life that require sustained work. Progress is often slow, painful and undramatic but the results last a lifetime. Studies have consistently shown that work and marriage are the steady ladders out of poverty, but the welfare system resists this fundamental change.

Two-thirds of black households are headed by single women. And we wonder why poverty remains one of the stumbling blocks to minority communities becoming vibrant and full of hope. Nationally, two-thirds of poor children reside in a single-parent home. Each year, an additional 1.5 million children are born out of wedlock. We continue to turn a blind to this tragedy.

What kind of chance do these children have of becoming part of the American dream? The answer, for the most part, is slim and slimmer.

If one were to go to the courthouse, one could watch the tragedy unfold on a daily basis with divorce and its impact on children. Some parents use kids as bargaining chips or to get back at their former spouses.

If only parents could put their need for revenge aside, and let their actions be dictated by the love for their children. Maybe then the kids would not be the big losers. If parents could stop and look in the eyes of their children, whom they profess to love so much, the first thing couples would not do when times are hard is get a divorce.

There are situations where divorce is unavoidable. I do not for a second advocate a woman or a man staying in an abusive or dangerous relationship. I do find it hard to believe, though, that more than half of all marriages should end in divorce.

Love requires work, acceptance and, yes, patience. Marriages should be based on shared values other than that moment of passion.

Having a father in every house may not be a reality. It is a lot of work, but being a father has been the best and most rewarding thing that has ever happened to me.

Single fathers get a bad rap — sometimes deserved but not always. Fathers should do the right thing, pay child support, spend time with their children and not bad-mouth mothers, even if their inclination is to do so.

We rarely hear about fathers who do the right thing. The media would have you believe that these types of fathers are nonexistent. I have had the privilege of working with some great fathers, and God bless them.

There has to be a better way. Programs can be developed and implemented that could help families stay together. Until people realize that life and families require work, children and society will continue to suffer.

We must do better. We can do better.