Living large in South King County

It's not my fault I've put on a few too many pounds. I can blame the giant fat zone known as South King County, which offers more affordable homes than parts of Seattle and the Eastside and a greater likelihood of having fat residents.

Researchers at the University of Washington's Exploratory Center for Obesity Research looked at obesity rates by ZIP code. They found that people who live in areas with lower property values, which means lower incomes and a higher likelihood of buying less expensive and more filling fatty and starchy foods, are — surprise, surprise — more likely to be fat.

While I appreciate being let off the hook for my indulgences, I resent the fact that South King County has been besmirched — again.

First, "Almost Live," a once-popular half-hour show that aired on KING-TV before "Saturday Night Live," painted us as pickup-driving, beer-swilling, flannel-shirt-wearing hicks. Now, according to the UW, we're lard butts, too. Good grief. Where's the justice?

Maybe if we didn't have to spend three hours a day in our cars, commuting to and from work, we'd have time to hit 24 Hour Fatness to get some exercise.

What's that you say? Take the train? Sure, but it's still takes more than an hour, and then our butts are on seats and our hands are free to eat doughnuts. Um, good idea.

Bike to work? As if. I'd have a tough time getting the kid to school, soccer practice and the dentist if she had to ride on the handle bars.

It wasn't my idea to open See's Candy, Panera Bread and Cheesecake Factory in every town for convenience.

When I got married, I weighed 120 pounds soaking wet. When I bought my house in Covington, I weighed 155. Now, it's a smidge more.

For a while, I thought that was because I ate too much junk. Silly me! I now know it's because I bought a house I could afford in an area that seemed a reasonable distance from my office and my husband's.

For future residents, maybe the government could assign FAT codes along with ZIP codes to warn people they're moving to the land of the large. Maybe home-sales data could include median weight with median price to alert buyers.

And maybe if we move to Mercer Island or Bellevue, pounds will magically melt off. For now, though, I'm happy living in a fat zone.

Cindy Zetts: 253-234-8602 or czetts@seattletimes.com