Pittsburgh Pirates and pigs now free to roam about the cabin

What's this — the long-suffering Pirates flirting with first place in late July?

"In other news," wrote Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, "six pigs called approach control to request landing clearance at Pittsburgh International Airport."

Current-events quiz

A man was clocked going 311.945 mph aboard a motorcycle in Limestone, Maine, leaving law-enforcement officials stunned because the driver:

a) was riding a conventional bike.

b) isn't a Cincinnati Bengal.

Strike three

"The United States' soccer team lost to Japan," noted ABC's Jimmy Kimmel, "which means we're now losing to Japan in math, science and penalty kicks."

Headlines

• At SportsPickle.com, on Ben Roethlisberger's wedding registry: "James Harrison is getting him a concussion."

• At TheOnion.com: " 'Sports' wins 11th consecutive ESPY for 'Best Thing.' "

None for the money

USC suspended senior tailback Marc Tyler for intimating to TMZ.comthat the Trojans pay better than the NFL does. Welcome to the lockout, Marc.

One-man bridal show

Saturday's Braves-Nationals game in Atlanta featured an usual onfield interloper — a man wearing a wedding dress.

Or as 'Duk from Yahoo! Sports put it: "I now pronounce you ... arrested for trespassing?"

Power outage

The Mariners lost nine straight games around the All-Star break — while hitting nary a single home run.

Look on the bright side: No one's accusing them of using steroids.

Bear with us

And, in news north of the border, a bear ripped apart a player's golf bag on the fourth hole at Big Sky Golf & Country Club in Pemberton, B.C., during the Assistants Championship tournament.

Wrote Gregg Drinnan of the Kamloops Daily News: "Which goes to prove the golf adage that some days you eat the bear, and other days the bear eats your bag."

On the outs

About 102 years ago — on July 18, 1909 — the first unassisted triple play in baseball history was turned in by Cleveland Naps shortstop Neal Ball.

Or as he was immediately known around the clubhouse, Ball Three.

Talking the talk

• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, on reports that Elin Nordegren is dating an American financier whose family is worth billions: "So Tiger might still be sidelined, but she isn't."

• Len Berman of ThatsSports.com, on the Red Sox's 1-0 win over the Rays in 16 innings Sunday: "It nearly went to penalty kicks."

• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on the financially strapped Mets: "Instead of the showers, players head for the sponge bath."

• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after the NBA announced the layoff of 114 employees: "And that's just LeBron's posse."

He shoots, he scores

Ex-NHL star Joe Sakic hit a $1 million hole-in-one Sunday at the American Century Celebrity Golf Championship in Stateline, Nev., but hockey purists weren't impressed.

Apparently he should've done it on the five-hole.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com