Viking feuds between quarterbacks and coaches? Been there, don't that

Vikings coaches and quarterbacks squabbling over play calls? Nothing new there.

Ex-Minnesota QB Tommy Kramer told the St. Paul Pioneer Press that in a 1986 game against the Bears' vaunted 46 attacking defense, offensive coordinator Bob Schnelker chewed him out when he returned to the sideline after changing a 20-yard comeback route to a quick slant.

On five straight plays.

Schnelker: "Dammit, Tommy, don't you think I sent that thing in five times in a row for a reason? You think I want to run it?"

Kramer: "Hell, yeah, I thought you wanted to run it. But if you want to run it, here, take my shoulder pads, put my jersey on, take my helmet, and you go out there and run it against that defense and let Otis Wilson come after you!"

Pass the milk bottle

Three-time Indy 500 champion Helio Castroneves and his girlfriend became parents Monday when Adriana Henao gave birth to a 7-pound, 3-ounce girl in Atlanta.

In keeping with the theme, the baby underwent a post-delivery chassis inspection, then was fitted in a checkered-flag diaper.

Football 101

Q: What do you call the backers of fired Texas Tech football coach Mike Leach?

A: The Red Raiders' closet fans.

You do the math

From This Week in Sports History, at TheOnion.com: "540 B.C.: Pythagoras creates the triangle offense, which states that the square of the distance between adjacent forwards is equal to the square of the distance between the power forward and point guard."

Costly roaming fees

AT&T Inc. joined Accenture as the second major sponsor to drop golfer Tiger Woods in light of allegations of numerous infidelities.

Guess AT&T didn't like all his hang-ups.

Cold cash

Olympic figure-skating champ Alexei Yagudin, in a federal suit filed Monday, claims an auto-shop owner he hired as his financial manager bilked him out of $1 million.

Even by auto-repair standards, $1 million seems a bit steep for an axel job.

His blood is green

The Consumerist reports that HP ink costs more than human blood.

Unless, of course, it's the blood of the Yankees' latest free-agent signing.

Talking the talk

• Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon StarPhoenix, after driver Jenson Button celebrated his Australian Grand Prix victory by sneaking off with his lingerie-model girlfriend for a few minutes before speaking to the media: "And to think the winner of the Indy 500 only gets a bottle of milk."

• Brad Dickson in the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the Chicago Cubs trading outfielder Milton Bradley to Seattle: "There's a good idea. Take a guy known for mood swings and put him in a place where it rains six days a week."

• Chris Cluff of OutsideThePressBox.com, on why the Seahawks' offense sputters under new coordinator Gregg Knapp: "Knapp's offenses have been like Geo Metros: They run fine, but they can't pass."

Just horsing around

Tiny Woods scored a wire-to-wire win in Wednesday's $46,000 feature race for 2-year-olds at Santa Anita.

And immediately demanded to be put out to stud.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com