What a pity, too early even for an Egg McMuffin

Anyone up for toast and jam?

ESPN's round-the-clock broadcast of college basketball last week included a Monmouth-Saint Peter's game at 6 a.m. Eastern time.

"Given the breakfast tipoff," wrote Gary Loewen of The Toronto Sun, "it was appropriate that a guy named Ryan Bacon would score the first basket for St. Pete's."

Bahrain teaser

And in drug-testing news, Bahrain's Rashid Ramzi has been stripped of his 1,500-meter Olympic gold medal — 15 ½ months after winning it at the 2008 Beijing Games.

This just in: Jim Thorpe tests positive for castor oil.

Headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: "Coaches vs. Colds Classic sets more realistic goals."

• At TheOnion.com: "3.1% of NFL coaches would go for it on fourth down on their own 28."

Otto, if it's a boy

A couple from Dorset, England, have named their new baby daughter Kia in honor of the family car after she was born in the back seat en route to the hospital, the Bournemouth Echo reported.

Good thing pops wasn't driving a Land Rover.

Pass the filberts

Among the signs an NFL owner is nuts, from CBS's David Letterman:

• "Encourages vendors to sell beer to players during game.

• "Asked owner of Detroit Lions for tips on building a winner.

• "Pregame pep talk: Asks team to lose by more than 7 ½."

Case dismissed

Michigan's football program failed to file mandatory practice logs during its disastrous 3-9 season a year ago, an internal audit embarrassingly revealed, but Plan B ought to rebuff any allegations the team practiced too much.

Here's hoping they didn't burn the game films.

They're licked

The U.S. Postal Service has lost $3.8 billion this year, officials announced last week.

Apparently not enough NFL teams are mailing it in.

Talko time

• Steve Harvey in The Los Angeles Times, after USA Today reported that Fresno State assistant coaches are contractually bound to "downplay defeats by not dwelling excessively on them": "Must be tough this week after that 52-14 loss to Nevada."

• English rugby coach Martin Johnson, to The London Guardian, on 20-year-old up-and-comer Courtney Lawes: "Someone texted me saying he's a bit like I used to be, but more athletic, funnier and better looking."

• Stock-car owner Rick Hendrick, to The Miami Herald, after signing star driver Jimmie Johnson to a contract through 2015: "Jimmie and I talked about a lifetime deal, but I couldn't borrow enough money to make it work."

Double and nothing

Hear about the governors' bet for today's battle between the 1-8 Browns and the 1-8 Lions?

Forget winning — the loser has to take both teams.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com