Nothing better than a mullet reference

Somewhere, those old Purple People Eaters are smiling.

"The Four Norsemen" and "Purple Reign" are tied at 40 percent in FoxSports.com's quest to give the Vikings' defensive line a nickname, after more than 41,000 votes.

Among those somehow not in contention: "3 Men and a Mullet" and "The Maul of America."

Headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: "Brady Quinn promises dying Browns fan he'll throw him a completion."

• At TheOnion.com: "Kansas City fails to pick up option on Royals."

East meets West Dept.

Introducing one of your East finalists in this year's CFL playoffs: the British Columbia Lions.

No wonder kids these days have so much trouble mastering geography.

That's cold

"And why is Congress holding hearings on why there are so many concussions in the NFL?" asks Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel. "You think maybe it's because 300-pound men are banging their heads together at high speed?

"Coming soon: Congressional inquiry into why there is so much frostbite in the Iditarod."

NFL Fines 101

Q: If a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, what is a bird in each hand worth?

A: $250,000.

Tiger in their tank

Golf icon Tiger Woods, about to be inducted into the Stanford Athletics Hall of Fame, will serve as an honorary captain for the football team's Big Game against California on Saturday.

As an added sideline bonus, his advice might come in handy during long drives and short-yardage situations.

It's a pick-'em

Injured safety Troy Polamalu is "questionable at best" for Sunday's game in Kansas City, which, if you think about, pretty much puts him on equal footing with the Chiefs.

Lost and found

Two overdue library books — checked out 50 years ago — mysteriously arrived back at Phoenix's Camelback High School, along with a $1,000 money order to cover any fines.

Thus buoying the Cleveland Browns' hopes that their playbook might someday be returned.

Bear-haunting season

"Halloween was two weeks ago," pointed out David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. "Why is Jay Cutler still running around like he is Rex Grossman?"

Talking the talk

• Richard Oliver of the San Antonio Express-News, on Hall of Fame golfer Lee Trevino about to turn 70: "When he tees it up these days, the biggest hazard he tries to avoid is the creak."

• Brad Dickson in the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on 900 Global's $1,500 remote-controlled bowling ball: "Instead, I'd like to see the scientist tackle a bigger challenge — developing an odorless bowling shoe."

• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, on underdog Michigan's best bet to win on Saturday: "Call it the Tostitos Michigan-Ohio State Game, and Jim Tressel will surely blow it."

On Thin Ice Dept.

Russian figure skater Andrei Lutai has been charged in Lake Placid, N.Y., with stealing a car and driving it while drunk just hours after finishing 10th at Skate America.

Guess he just needed a little extra work on his double axles.

Dwight Perry: dperry@seattletimes.com