Sideline Chatter: Oh, deer! Poor fellow loses fight against elk lawn ornament

Who needs a deer rifle when you have a lawn ornament?

Mark Brye of Viroqua, Wis., boasts a freezer full of serendipitous venison after a love-crazed 7-point buck dropped dead in his yard after he rammed Brye's concrete elk lawn statue. Talk about a mismatch: The deer weighed 180 pounds — and the lawn ornament 640 pounds.

And just to make it legal, wrote Bob Lamb of the La Crosse Tribune, "Brye claimed the buck with a tag from the Vernon County conservation warden. He laughed at the warden's tag note: 'lawn ornament fight — lost.' "

The statue isn't doing so hot, either, lying on its side — one of its shattered antlers in five pieces — until Brye can round up friends to get it upright.

Upon further review

Despite all the blown calls in this year's baseball playoffs, the topic of instant replay didn't even come to a vote when general managers convened in Chicago last week.

"GMs also made no trades," wrote Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, "meaning their greatest accomplishment during the meeting was filching from the hotel minibar and convincing the front-desk manager a $12.95 charge for the film 'Bikini Car Wash' was somehow mistakenly billed to their room."

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: "Saints completely satisfied with 8-0 start."

• At SportsPickle.com: "Knicks go on 8-13 scoring run."

Gopher broke

One more reason to loathe college football's so-called postseason: Minnesota is now "bowl-eligible" after beating FCS South Dakota State — by 3 points, at home!

Brewsed Ego Dept.

Brian Billick, the coach turned NFL broadcaster, appears to have suffered the same pop-culture fate as Joe DiMaggio's "Mr. Coffee" persona.

"I coached for 30 years and got a Super Bowl ring," Billick told The San Diego Union-Tribune, "and most people, when they see me now, go, 'Hey, you're that Coors Light guy.' "

Talking the talk

• Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, after Cash4Gold.com assessed the melt value of the New York Yankees' World Series trophy: "Welcome to today's economy, George Steinbrenner. Put in $201 million, get out $7,750."

• Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon StarPhoenix, on the latest speculation about suspended New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert: "Now dating Zinedine Zidane."

• Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel, after Nebraska nose tackle Ndamukong Suh said he hit three parked cars because he'd swerved to avoid hitting a dog: "Later, that same dog ate his homework."

• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, on who boasts the best hands in sports: "That kid, Joe Cada, who won the World Series of Poker. Dude won $8.5 million with a pair of nines."

He's a hit with women

A gym coach in Shenyang, China, certainly has an odd side job, the Liaoshen Evening Post reported: He hires himself out as a human punching bag for women. His name is Xiao Lin, though bitter divorcees prefer to call him Ex Cobb.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com