Sideline Chatter: Basket-weaving, anyone?

Sounds like a bunch of folks got a Big D in chemistry.

As Cowboys tight end Martellus Bennett told CBSSportsline, when asked if Terrell Owens' departure improved the locker-room atmosphere:

"We don't have a lot of scientists on the team, so I don't think there's anybody doing chemistry in the locker room. Most of these guys left school early, and I don't think chemistry is anyone's best subject."

Tiger's clubhouse

When Tiger Woods tidies up, obviously, it's a bit different than most.

"Beginning of this year I was just rummaging through my garage and cleaning it out a little bit," Woods told AP. "Over in the corner was this putter and I said, 'Oh, what is this putter? Oh, it's the one I won The Masters with.'

"It's just sitting over there."

The straight skinny

Rashard Lewis, steroid abuser? Mike Bianchi isn't buying it.

"Because if indeed he was trying to bulk up his skinny body with performance-enhancing drugs, he failed miserably," the Orlando Sentinel columnist wrote of the Magic forward. "... With his spindly arms and legs, he looks as if he should have tested positive for birdseed."

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: "Buick Open winner Tiger Woods unable to pry check for $918,000 from GM CEO's hand."

• At SportsPickle.com: "Lance Armstrong wins Tour de Luxembourg in 36 minutes, 18 seconds."

He's a flea agent

Japan's Shikoku-Kyushu Island League made baseball headlines Saturday when the Kochi Fighting Dogs signed out-of-work:

• Hideki Irabu.

• Michael Vick.

Hairy Kerry Dept.

Kerry Fraser, the well-coiffed retired NHL referee, was prepared for the worst when a woman confronted him after a playoff game, the Toronto Sun reported.

Woman: "I've got problem hair, and I want to know what you use because your hair never moves."

Fraser, relieved: "Paul Mitchell Freeze and Shine."

Talko time

• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on Tom Watson — at age 59 with an artificial hip — almost winning the British Open: "Tell me again how you have to be a great athlete to play golf."

• Royals manager Trey Hillman, to AP, after a tabby cat ran around the field, prolonging his team's 66th loss in 107 games: "I was surprised it wasn't entirely black."

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on the floundering Mets' lack of a team motto for 2009: "But they are considering 'Thank God for the Washington Nationals.' "

• Slow-footed first baseman John Olerud, to the Toronto Sun, on hitting 54 doubles for the Blue Jays in 1993: "Some were triples."

Do they throw Jim Rice?

While the Red Sox are playing in New York, Fenway Park is hosting a wedding festival today.

In other words, no game on account of bridal showers.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com