That synthetic stuff gets you every time

Just call it Roboto Clemente.

Masatoshi Ishikawa, a professor at the University of Tokyo, has developed an uncanny hitting robot — and a robotic arm to pitch to it.

"The pitching robot, with its three-fingered hand, can throw 90 percent of its pitches in the strike zone, won't need any relief from the bullpen and never asks for a pay raise," wrote Matt Tiffany of the San Diego Union Tribune.

"The batting robot, which has a sensor to determine if pitches are strikes, hits balls in the strike zone almost 100 percent of the time, doesn't swing at pitches outside the strike zone, and will pass all drug tests, at least until oil is banned as a performance-enhancer."

Sports quiz

Michael Vick, released from federal custody after serving 23 months for dogfighting, vehemently denied he spent his first night of freedom:

a) inside a strip joint.

b) anywhere near Gidget, the suddenly deceased Taco Bell Chihuahua.

8-million-minute Rice

Jim Rice's long wait finally ended Sunday when he was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

As ex-Red Sox teammate Carlton Fisk, chiding voters, told Newsday: "I wonder why it took so long. His game hasn't changed much in the last 15 years."

This night is rated PG

• Headline in the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, on the Brooklyn Cyclones' Salute to Pregnancy Night: "Get her some pickles and Cracker Jack."

Still in the fast lane

Claude Smith, the 1941 All-American Soap Box Derby champ, wasn't chagrined to lose the ceremonial Oil Can Derby — which also included racers aged 91 and 89 — preceding the 72nd annual event in Akron, Ohio.

As Smith, 82, told AP: "My biggest thrill today was being called the kid in our race."

Talking the talk

• Minnesota senior associate AD Tom Wistrcill, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, on the Daktronics video scoreboard in the Gophers' new football stadium: "It's just like a high-definition television you would have in your house, except that it's as big as your house."

• David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, on Rangers pitcher Vicente Padilla, fresh off the swine flu, penciled in to start Tuesday: "Don't expect any Tigers players to charge the mound."

• Brian Smith, to The Washington Post, on being a Washington Nationals fan: "OK, it's $135 I don't spend on gambling or alcohol. There are worse vices you could have."

• Rich Shapiro of the New York Daily News, after Alex Rodriguez kissed actress girlfriend Kate Hudson at the Yankees' annual family picnic: "A-Rod went 0 for 4 Saturday — but he made it to first base anyway."

Wagers of Sin Dept.

So, Delaware wants to legalize gambling on individual sports events?

NFL lawyers, not amused, say take Nevada and give the points.

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com