Serena Williams doesn't believe in no-strings relationships

Off the court, Serena Williams insists, it's singles only.

"It is hard to have a relationship with me because I'm a little crazy, and I wouldn't want to date me," she told the London Daily Mirror. "I'm a little psycho, but that's OK.

"Am I with anyone now? Yes, I am. I'm with my racket, and his name is Wilson. He's amazing."

What, no walkoff moonwalk?

Among the Major League Baseball tributes to Michael Jackson on Tuesday:

The Mariners' Ken Griffey Jr. wore a white batting glove during his first at-bat, and nine Nationals, in surrendering three unearned runs in a 5-4 loss, wore single gloves in the field for no apparent reason.

They fit to a tee

Some can't-miss candidates to replace about-to-be-ousted LPGA commissioner Carolyn Bivens:

• London Inquirer reporter Chip Mulligan;

• Canadian golfer Andrew Parr;

• Coal City, Ill., auto racer Nick Clubb (bonus points: this Clubb's a driver).

Chariot's a-fire

This is what's known as blazing speed.

Scottish nurse Keith Malcolm, wearing eight layers of protective clothing, set a world record by running 259 feet — while engulfed in a ball of flames.

"It was absolutely awesome," Malcolm told the London Telegraph. "I managed it in 17 seconds and was running flat-out. I really did not want to hang around."

Brush-pack pitcher

Yankees pitcher Brett Tomko, a budding artist, even takes his canvas and acrylics on the road to work on them in his hotel room, the Newark (N.J.) Star-Ledger reported.

To no one's surprise, he is especially adept at painting the corners.

Potent quotables

• British rugby commentator Barrie McDermott, as quoted by BBC Sport, during the broadcast of the Wigan-Hull KR game: "You don't need to be a rocket surgeon to work that out."

• Ron Artest, to the Orange County Register, on signing with the Lakers: "It was a no-brainer, which is good, because I didn't finish college."

• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, on the death of wiener baron Oscar Mayer at age 95: "Among the likely pallbearers: Joey Chestnut, Takeru Kobayashi and Bubba Franks."

• Brooks Melchior of SportsByBrooks.com, on Griffey's white-glove Jackson tribute in his first at-bat: "He also used 'Billie Jean' as his walk-up music. We won't discuss the sequined jock."

He hit the jackpot

A fan who got kicked out of a Yankees game for defying an usher's orders not to visit the restroom during the singing of "God Bless America" has settled with New York City — to the tune of $10,000.

Now that's what you call a pay toilet.

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com