She'll pass mustard, but only if she has nice buns

What, no written test?

Here is the job description for a "Bunnette" — the woman assigned to count a competitor's intake at the annual July 4 Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest — according to Major League Eating's Web site:

"A woman, seductive by disposition, who is passionate about the sport of competitive eating and its practitioners ... more beautiful than Miss America, hotter than a Cowboys cheerleader and more talented than Vanna White."

Sports quiz

The quote, "He wanted relief from an embedded ball," was uttered by:

a) A PGA Tour official, at last week's U.S. Open, after Phil Mickelson encountered trouble on the 13th hole.

b) The Braves' team trainer, in 1968, after Hank Aaron tried to dig in against Bob Gibson.

Heir Jordan

"Jeff Jordan, son of NBA great Michael Jordan, announced last week that he is leaving the University of Illinois basketball team after two seasons to concentrate on his studies," noted Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel. "The good news is they don't chant 'Daddy's better!' in chemistry class."

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com, with bad news for March Madness office pools: "Study finds working at work improves productivity."

• At SportsPickle.com: "World-record 100-meter time of 0.82 seconds determined to be tornado-aided."

The No. 2 choice

Free-agent forward Marian Hossa has signed on with the Chicago Blackhawks, just in case you're wondering which team will finish second in next year's Stanley Cup Final.

Hole-sale slaughter

"Environmentalists claim being naked for more than two hours a day will help fight global warming," noted comedy writer Alex Kaseberg. "Yeah, but it will kill the walk-in business at Krispy Kreme donuts."

Turkey Dressing Dept.

The Braves are 7-0 when right fielder Jeff Francoeur wears his lucky "turkey underwear," the Atlanta Journal Constitution reported.

Of course, he hasn't had to face White Sox pitcher Jimmy Gobble.

Familiar ring to it

"ESPN the Magazine is planning an October edition on the beauty of the human body, complete with photos of athletes posing 'nude but artfully covered,' " noted Brad Rock of the Deseret News. "We already have that, don't we?

"I think it's called Wrestlemania."

Talking the talk

• Gary Loewen of the Toronto Sun, on the lack of a British singles champ at Wimbledon since Virginia Wade in 1977 — and no men's champ since Fred Perry in 1936: "Since then, it has all been strawberries and creamed."

• Ivo Karlovic, to The Miami Herald, on why Roger Federer foiled Karlovic's theretofore unsolvable serve in Wednesday's Wimbledon quarterfinals: "Because he is better than everyone else."

• Alaska governor Sarah Palin, to Runners World magazine, on why nobody recognizes her when she's out running: "Because I'm not wearing a trough full of makeup."

From Russia, with pucks

Russians Alex Ovechkin, Evgeni Malkin and Pavel Datsyuk were the top three vote-getters for the National Hockey League's Hart Trophy.

Or as puck pundits redubbed this year's MVP race, the Molson's Three Tsars.

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com