It would have been OK if they just left flowers

Ever hear of a dead-ball foul in tennis?

Officials at St. Mary's Church in Wimbledon Village, which raises money for charity by charging tennis fans to park on its property, got quite a shock this year when they discovered cars were even being wedged into the church cemetery.

"We were told: 'Go and reverse between these gravestones,' " Melanie Allcock told BBC Radio. "I thought: 'This is very odd.' But we did it and went to Wimbledon."

Church officials, to their credit, apologized profusely after declaring it a six-foot fault.

Mark him absent

The Oakland Athletics hosted a 20-year celebration of their 1989 World Series title team on Tuesday, but Bash Brother Mark McGwire declined to attend.

Apparently he's still out there, at O.J.'s behest, trying to track down the real steroid users.

Odds and ends

BetUS.com's college-football odds are out, and USC, Ohio State and Florida sit 1-2-3.

No, not to see who reaches the BCS title game — rather, who commits the next NCAA violation.

Sosa doesn't do so-so

Dodgers batting coach Jeff Pentland worked in the same capacity with ex-Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa — just officially exposed as a juicer — from 1997 to 2002.

"Sammy had a rare combination of strength and quickness, but he wanted to hit every ball 700 feet," Pentland told the Chicago Daily Herald. "I tried to convince him a home run at 350 feet counted just as much."

Doobie-Doobie Lou

"I smoked dope one time in my life and it didn't do a damn thing for me, OK?" Cubs manager Lou Piniella told AP.

Yeah, nothing's more embarrassing than seeing a guy yank out first base and hurl it in slow motion.

Talko time

• Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, after a 47-year-old Milwaukee-area man was arrested for DUI — while trying to make the 40-mile trek home on a golf cart: "That's what happens when you have a driver in the bag."

• Chris Cluff of OutsideThePressBox.com, on Bernie Kosar listing a $1.5 million debt to the Browns in his bankrupcty declarations: "Imagine how much he might owe if he had to pay the Bills."

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on the stunning U.S. soccer win in the Confederations Cup semifinals: "The last time something this embarrassing happened to Spain, the Armada was involved."

• Vancouver (B.C.) comedian Torben Rolfsen, on the Cavaliers acquiring Shaquille O'Neal to team with LeBron James: "Isn't that like hitching a trailer to a Ferrari?"

Icing on the cake

And in social news, L.A. Kings center Jarret Stoll broke off his engagement to model Rachel Hunter just weeks before their scheduled August wedding — via e-mail.

Hey, who better than a hockey player to get cold feet?

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com