John Daly's driving test: pop the top

Guess he should stick to golf carts.

John Daly, at the wheel of his bus, sheared the top off when he drove it into the Bankhead Tunnel in Mobile, Ala.

"The sign said 'No trucks, cargo or hazardous material in the right lane,' " Daly told the Mobile Press-Register. "I'm reading the sign and don't see the [clearance] footage. I'm thinking I've got to go to the left lane, and before I know it, the roof is torn out."

Though unconfirmed reports say instincts just took over when Daly heard a passer-by yell, "In the hole!"

Win-win situation

"Iran's supreme leader declared last week's presidential election an 'absolute victory,' " noted NBC's Conan O'Brien. "And then he went on to congratulate the Clippers on winning the NBA championship."

You roll, girl

In case you missed it, the Manic Attackers captured the Windy City Rollers roller derby league championship last week.

Well, no wonder, wrote the Chicago Sun-Times' Elliott Harris — what with a roster loaded with the likes of Val Capone, Beth Amphetamine, Malice With Chains and Ruth Enasia.

Hair Apparent Dept.

"Best gift on Father's Day came from my 7-year-old daughter, Bridget," reported Ed Graney of the Las Vegas Review-Journal. "She inserted my face on a picture of [the Lakers' Pau] Gasol. 'Now,' she said, 'you know what it's like to be tall and have lots of hair.'

"Somehow, I knew I would regret teaching her the importance of honesty."

School daze

Meghan Huggins, the goalkeeper at Springdale (Ark.) Har-Ber High School, has landed a scholarship to Lamar.

"I wish I could major in soccer in college," she told the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, "but they make you get an actual degree in some kind of something."

Names game

The College of William & Mary in Williamsburg, Va., in search of a new mascot to go with its Tribe nickname, has been inundated with more than 400 suggestions, ranging from a feathered horse to an asparagus stalk.

No word on how that will affect Bill & Mary's liberal branch campus in California: Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice.

Talking the talk

• MMA fighter Bob Sapp, to the Las Vegas Review-Journal, on facing ex-rassler Bobby Lashley: "He's big and strong, but he's yet to be tested. I'm here to give him his test, and I'm here to let you know it is going to be an F."

• Texas baseball coach Augie Garrido, to the Lafayette (La.) Daily Advertiser, on the only silver lining to his DUI arrest earlier this year: "My mug shot was better than Nick Nolte's."

• Lakers coach Phil Jackson, to Chicago's WMVP Radio, on Finals MVP Kobe Bryant: "He grew up teething on Michael Jordan videos."

• Brad Dickson in the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the allure of golf's U.S. Open: "The field is a combination of pros and amateurs. Sort of like the USC basketball roster."

Playbook, Chapter 11

Ex-NFL quarterback Bernie Kosar filed for bankruptcy protection last week, citing debts of $1.5 million to the Browns, $3 million to his ex-wife and $9 million for real estate loans.

Football historians immediately declared it the mother of all three-and-outs.

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com