He gave them nothing but the naked truth

Woody Hayes update: It was 3 yards, a cloud of dust — and a naked rollout.

Seems the crotchety Ohio State football coach had an unusual postgame habit back in the 1960s when Leonard Downie Jr., who went on to become executive editor of The Washington Post, covered the team for The Lantern, the OSU student newspaper.

"If the team lost or tied, he would conduct an interview in the nude," said Downie, regaling present-day Lantern staffers. "He was an ugly guy, so it would clear the locker room out pretty fast."

Dateline: Peoria, Ariz.

A certain Mariners pitcher named Carlos, who tipped the scales at 285 pounds last season, arrived at spring training minus 30 pounds of Silva lining.

They got creamed

In history's first crash of intact spacecraft in orbit, NASA announced, two big communications satellites collided 500 miles over Siberia.

Both were reportedly homing in on the whereabouts of Mark McGwire.

Beautiful minds

Scripps-Howard got Super Bowl predictions from 100 celebrities and football experts — and a former Playboy model and two beauty queens came closest to nailing the eventual Steelers-Cardinals score.

"If scantily clad mega-babes are better than washed-up jocks at predicting football outcomes," noted Gregg Easterbrook of ESPN.com, "perhaps ESPN should reexamine its business model."

Air bawl

NBA commissioner David Stern couldn't have been buoyed when last Sunday's Lakers-Cavaliers game on ABC, featuring megastars Kobe Bryant and LeBron James, drew just a 5.0 rating — and the NFL Pro Bowl on NBC earned a 5.8.

As if that wasn't bad enough, watching paint dry on the wall behind the TV registered a 5.3.

Talko time

• Drew Curtis of Fark.com, upon hearing the aforementioned Woody Hayes anecdote: "Kansas football reporters desperately hope revelation doesn't reach Mark Mangino."

• Blogger Derek Wilken, on a sure sign your teammates are taking steroids: "You had a .350 average, with 45 homers, and still batted seventh."

• Rick Chandler of Deadspin.com, on Ken Griffey Jr.'s expected return to the Mariners: "I think his first question will be: 'Hey, where's the Kingdome?' "

• NBC's Conan O'Brien, on Alex Rodriguez blaming the pressure of his record contract for resorting to performance-enhancing drugs: "Which makes you wonder what kind of steroids Oprah is on."

Scratch & Dent Dept.

A Utah woman who owned the world record for longest fingernails — 33 inches! — was a passenger in an auto accident last week, The Salt Lake Tribune reported.

Don't know about the car, but her airbag was totaled.

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays in The Seattle Times. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com