Times' Smitty sidelined, but his humor leaves a mark

Craig Smith has a passion for long-snapping.

Thus he's spent much of his life looking at the world upside-down with his head between his legs, which also explains a lot about our former colleague, who ended his 32-year stay at The Seattle Times with his final "Sideline Smitty" prep column Tuesday.

Like why, out of the blue, he once asked Washington basketball coach Lynn Nance — a former FBI agent — if he ever had to shoot anybody.

Or why, when asked the best advice he'd ever gotten, he penned this answer in his column of Nov. 26, 2002:

"Decades ago, I worked for the Charleston Gazette in West Virginia, and a wise city editor told me, 'Kid, there's good stuff at Episcopalian rummage sales.'

"I don't make the circuit of Episcopalian rummage sales, but I always attend the big spring Lakeside Rummage Sale that is open to the public. (Lakeside School isn't Episcopalian, but it draws from a similar socioeconomic bracket to which I don't belong.) At times, 15 percent of my wardrobe has come from the rummage sale.

"I have high standards, though, and won't buy secondhand underwear."

So here's goodbye to one of The Times' all-time characters. And here's one last look back at 2008, in our annual 12 Months of Chatter:

No-return policy

January: Oklahoma defensive tackle DeMarcus Granger, in Tempe, Ariz., for the Fiesta Bowl, was sent home after he allegedly hid a jacket in a bag and tried to sneak it out of a store.

Police confiscated the jacket for evidence and, adding further insult, the store wouldn't even credit him with the sack.

Souls on Ice Dept.

February: Portland Winter Hawks goaltender Jordan White stopped the first 66 shots he saw in a 4-0 Western Hockey League loss to the Seattle Thunderbirds.

The Memorial Coliseum record for saves, by the way, was reportedly set in 1992 by Billy Graham.

Paging Bart and Starr

March: Dave and Emily Kinsaul of Palatka, Fla., are such big Packers fans that they named their twin sons Brett and Favre.

Or as the boys are destined to be better known: Hut One and Hut Two.

Hit the mute button

April: CNN show host Larry King, coaching his 9-year-old son's Beverly Hills Little League team, got into a squabble with umpires and had to be told to tone down his act, the New York Observer reported.

No truth to the rumor he's been suspendered for two weeks.

Sitting pretty

May: Thanks to Red Sox lefty Jon Lester's gem on May 19, batterymate Jason Varitek became the first in baseball history to catch four no-hitters.

Or as Varitek is now referred to around the Fenway clubhouse, The Sultan of Squat.

He'll stand for this

June: Tigers third baseman Carlos Guillen has been stricken with George Brett's Disease — in other words, hemorrhoids.

Talk about a no-win situation for a manager: How in good conscience do you sit a guy who has that?

Go, Speedo Racer

July: Driver Jeff Burton's sported an unusual likeness on its hood for the Aug. 3 Sprint Cup race in Pocono, Pa. — that of U.S. swim star Michael Phelps.

Just one problem to report: The car suddenly can't stop fishtailing.

Manny being maney

August: Dodgers manager Joe Torre has asked Manny Ramirez, his new left fielder, to get his dangling dreadlocks trimmed.

Or, to put it in baseball terms: Hit the cutoff man!

Coming up hearts

September: Pro poker players Vanessa Rousso and Chad Brown — who first met at a tournament table — are engaged to be married early next year.

As for possible children, the smart money's on two pair or a full house.

Ante Roddick

October: An unidentified woman put down $15,000 for a tennis lesson from Andy Roddick at an Atlanta charity auction — after Roddick upped the bidding by saying he'd do it in the nude.

Still awaiting word on what they got for golf tips with John Daly.

Cake and ache

November: And in basketball news, Hall of Famer Bill Walton celebrated his birthdays on Nov. 5.

He turned 56, and his feet, back and ankles turned 70.

Beach baby

December: Kerri Walsh, the two-time Olympic beach-volleyball champion, is expecting her first child around May 2009 — conceived just hours after her latest triumph in Beijing, she told Access Hollywood.

Something tells us this kid's favorite toy is going to be a sandbox.

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com