Grocery stocker Kurt Warner coming out of retirement?

Kurt Warner is a sack expert in more ways than one.

The Cardinals QB once stocked store shelves while waiting for his big NFL break — and those old habits are tough to kick, he discovered.

"I go to the grocery store and I still want to bag my own groceries," he told "Best Damn Sports Show Period" on FSN. "I still think I can do it better than anyone else in the grocery store. And definitely the eggs always go separate."

Here's the drill, kid

The St. Paul Pioneer Press reported that Minnesota Gophers hockey coach John Mariucci was none too thrilled in 1959 when freshman defenseman Lou Nanne said he might study dentistry.

Mariucci's response: "Hey, you're supposed to knock out teeth, not put them in."

Going postal

Fulham goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer was feeling a wee bit lucky after emerging with a scoreless soccer tie with Sunderland.

"They hit the post three times, had a goal disallowed and hit the [cross] bar," he told BBC Sport. "I think I'll go out and buy a lottery ticket."

Withdrawal symptoms?

"Marion Jones didn't know there was something fishy in the flaxseed oil coach Trevor Graham gave her?" asked Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle. "That's like Bonnie saying she thought Clyde was using his ATM card to make all those bank withdrawals."

Dogging the Browns

Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, through his foundation, is throwing a financial bone to the police K-9 unit in Oxford, Ohio.

Next up on his largesse list: Pay what it takes to spay and neuter the Cleveland Dog Pound.

Great idea

According to "Shooting from the Lip: Hockey's Best Quotes and Quips," former Oilers coach Ted Green didn't hesitate when Shaun Van Allen got knocked silly and couldn't remember who he was.

Green's advice to the trainers: "Tell him he's Wayne Gretzky."

Talking the talk

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, after "Brady Bunch" star Maureen McCormick revealed in her new tell-all autobiography that she once had a cocaine habit: "In fact, in that scene where Marcia gets hit in the nose with a football? White powder flew out."

• Ottawa Senators scout Nick Polano, to the Detroit News, on critics of NHL fisticuffs: "I've never seen a fan leave the building yet when there was a fight going on."

• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, on oft-injured outfielder Ken Griffey Jr.'s appointment as an American Public Diplomacy Envoy: "Shouldn't he be Surgeon General?"

• Dale Earnhardt Jr., on CBS's "Late Show with David Letterman," listing one of the top 10 perks of being a NASCAR driver: "Run out of olive oil? A little Quaker State will spruce up any salad."

Forget megabytes

Florida suspended backup quarterback Cameron Newton after he was charged with stealing another student's computer.

On the bright side, though, the laptop suddenly features 200 Gator chomps of RAM.

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com