Sideline Chatter | Just say no to winning any games in football

What could possibly be more embarrassing than having a winless record heading into November?

Ask the North Texas football team, which, according to the Denton Record-Chronicle, also suffered the ignominy of having 15 players test positive during preseason drug screenings.

Noted Drew Curtis of Fark.com: "Based on their 0-8 record, they clearly weren't performance-enhancing."

Olympic Birth Dept.

Starting Jan. 1, gymnasts competing in most major international meets will need a license from the International Gymnastics Federation stating their name, sex, country and date of birth.

And China guarantees theirs will be accurate, give or take a couple years.

Hail to the Chuck

Former hoops star Charles Barkley, in an interview with CNN's Campbell Brown, said that 2014 will be the year that he runs for governor in his native Alabama.

Brown: "You are serious."

Barkley: "I am. I can't screw up Alabama."

Brown: "There is no place to go but up in your view?"

Barkley: "We are No. 48 in everything — and Arkansas and Mississippi aren't going anywhere."

Stay off the foul poles

The Mariners have filed a formal objection with the City of Seattle over a proposed topless joint in a building 400 feet from Safeco Field.

In other words, the ballclub wants exclusive rights to leaving second base uncovered.

She's looking good

Is that really you, Santa Anita?

"The facility was like the woman going to her 20th high-school class reunion," wrote Bill Dwyre of the Los Angeles Times of the site of the 25th Breeder's Cup. "She lost some weight, got her skin cleared up, spent large sums of money on new clothes and wowed her old classmates."

Talking the talk

• Tony Augusty of the Detroit News, on how the Bears spent their bye week: "Lovie Smith reminded team players to be at practice Monday. Players reminded Lovie they face the Lions next. Lovie said he'll see everybody on Wednesday."

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, after Tampa Bay not only ended its string of losing seasons but reached the World Series after shortening its nickname from Devil Rays to Rays: "In a related story, introducing the Chicago Ubs."

• Ted Roof, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, on how he became Minnesota's defensive coordinator and helped spur a big Gophers turnaround: "Got fired at Duke. Didn't win enough games."

• Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard, to AP, after the Rays went to a five-man infield with the bases loaded in the ninth inning of Game 3 of the World Series: "It looked like they were about to blitz."

Q & eh?

Question of the week, as asked by Fox sideline reporter Danyelle Sargent to new 49ers coach Mike Singletary during Sunday's Seahawks game: "I heard that your mentor Bill Walsh was one of the first phone calls that you made when you found out that you had the job. What does it mean to you to be the head coach of the 49ers?"

Bill Walsh could not be reached for comment.

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com