Bryant is America's biggest hit in Beijing

Yes, Michael Phelps is the toast of China — but Kobe Bryant?

"This 24/7, camera-clicking, name-chanting worship of Bryant by the local masses at the Olympics," wrote Mark Kiszla of the Denver Post, "might be the strangest foreign love affair with a U.S. pop icon since the French decided Jerry Lewis was a comic genius."

Dateline Beijing

News flash: Chinese gymnast tests positive for Desitin.

Message to Michael

Phelps' to-do list after winning the Olympic 100-meter butterfly by .01 of a second in Beijing on Saturday:

• Pick up seventh gold medal ... check.

• Listen to national anthem ... check.

• And, oh yes, thank God I forgot to clip my fingernails!

One and done

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, addressing his team while the HBO "Hard Knocks" cameras were rolling, informed the players that there are five keys to being a good salesman: "Ask for the money ... and I've forgotten the other four."

In keeping with football tradition, at least he got the first down.

It's gotta be the shorts

In case you missed it, Aug. 8 marked the 32-year anniversary of the White Sox making major-league history by wearing shorts against the Royals.

"The baseball shorts were so popular," noted SportsPickle.com, "that they were immediately adopted as part of the official uniform of the Overweight Gym Teachers Association of America."

Terrible Twos Dept.

Q: When is a run of four deuces not a winning hand in Las Vegas?

A: When you're the Runnin' Rebels football team, which has gone 2-9, 2-9, 2-10 and 2-10 the past four seasons.

Beware of Kid gloves

Here's one chocolate you don't want on your hands: Brooklyn middleweight Peter "Kid Chocolate" Quillin, who is 19-0 with 14 knockouts — all in the first or second round.

Minn. among boys

Comcast will carry Big Ten Network programming in the Midwest starting today, ending the sides' yearlong stalemate.

So breathe easy, Minnesota fans: You won't have to miss a riveting moment of the Gophers' nonconference schedule — Northern Illinois, Bowling Green, Montana State and Florida Atlantic.

Talko time

• Jon Solomon of the Birmingham (Ala.) News, on the IOC's apparent indifference to claims China trotted out underage gymnasts: "The new Olympic motto: 'See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.' "

• Bob Molinaro of the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on John McEnroe getting tossed out of a seniors tennis match for cursing, arguing with the umpire and flipping off fans: "McEnrant thought it was turn-back-the-clock day."

• Headline at SportsPickle.com: "Olympic village sacked by rampaging Mongols."

Starting from scratch

The USC football team has been infested with jock itch in preseason camp, the L.A. Times reported, afflicting as much as 25 percent of the roster.

Even more shocking, school investigators confirmed, an SC tailback's paper cut occurred in the school library.

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays in The Seattle Times. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com