Beefy winner doesn't take his sport lightly

A quarter-century between titles? Guess it was worth the weight.

"At my size, from 5 meters it always hurts," Canadian cannonball champ Brian Utley, 55, told the Calgary Herald. "After a few jumps, I'm black-and-blue on my butt and legs."

The 6-foot-4, 383-pound Utley, dubbed "The Hurtin' Albertan" for the punishment he absorbs off a diving board, won his first title in 1981, retired from the sport in 1985 and won again in 2007, in just the second year of his comeback. Any advice for novice cannonballers hoping to make a splash?

"Gain a lot of weight. The last couple of years, I've been the biggest contestant. I think that helps."

Mass Exodus Dept.

IOC president Jacques Rogge predicts that, during next month's Beijing Olympics, the number of athletes who flunk drug tests for banned substances could reach 30 or 40.

Or maybe even 50, if they somehow let the Bulgarian weightlifters back in.

Life in the fat lane

NASCAR driver Tony Stewart announced his car next season will sport the No. 14 A.J. Foyt made famous — and he didn't shy away from any comparisons to his boyhood hero.

"A.J. and I, we always like to stir everybody up," Stewart told AP. "We like to do things the people say can't be done, and we're definitely not going to be spokesman for Jenny Craig anytime soon."

He's no Montefusco

Said Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano to the Chicago Tribune, praising his GM for assembling a title-contending roster: "I have one word for Jim Hendry — good job."

Paging Mr. Peabody

Tennessee coach Phillip Fulmer, visiting Birmingham for the annual SEC preseason media day, was served with a subpoena to testify in a Bama booster's defamation lawsuit against the NCAA — then denied to reporters he'd even seen it.

"In fairness to him, maybe he was still in shock after getting tossed into the wayback machine," wrote Kevin Scarbinski of the Birmingham (Ala.) News. "If it's 3 p.m. in Tennessee, it's 2003 in some parts of Alabama. The parts where it's not 1959. Or 1903."

Talko time

• U.S. Olympic basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski, to the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on comparisons to the '92 squad: "The mistake that American people make is calling every team a Dream Team. This isn't Rocky I, II, III and IV."

• Headline at SportsPickle.com, on the Eagles' Andy Reid: "Head coach reports to training camp 187 pounds overweight."

• David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, putting Dallas' Super Bowl expectations into perspective: "The last time the Cowboys won a playoff game, gas cost $1.28 per gallon."

• Race-car driver Danica Patrick, to the Edmonton Sun, when asked if the media treats her blowups any differently because of her gender: "I don't know. I've only lived as a girl."

Parting for dough

Golf.com, citing court documents from Greg Norman's divorce case, reported it cost the Australian golf icon $103 million to settle with his former wife.

Let's see him replace that divot.

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com