No sluggish start for this slimy champion

Well, that was a quick trip to the top — relatively speaking.

Lucky find Heikki outslimed 300 rival gastropods to the finish line at the annual World Snail Racing Championships in Congham, England, last Saturday, earning a silver tankard stuffed with lettuce after covering 33 centimeters in 3 minutes, 2 seconds.

As proud co-owner Georgie Brown, 13, told the Norfolk Eastern Daily Press: "We only found him in the garden two minutes before we came here."

Goose bumps

Goose Gossage, about to be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame, became good friends with Willie Nelson back in his pitching days and was a frequent concertgoer. Once, when Nelson invited him backstage before a 1983 concert in East Rutherford, N.J., he encountered country music's version of Murder's Row.

"I get into the trailer, and there are Merle Haggard, Hank Williams Jr. and Willie sitting around talking," Gossage told the Toronto Sun. "The best part was when they invited me on stage to sing the chorus of 'Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys' for the encore.

"That was more exciting than being on the mound in the World Series."

Mudder of all sports

What's not to love about the 10th annual Swamp Soccer World Championships in Hyrynsalmi, Finland?

As swamp veteran Tuula Brocke, covered in mud and crust, told Reuters: "Your opponent snatches the ball right in front of your nose, but you are stuck in the mass of dung and cannot move at all."

Daily doublin'

Sports quiz question, courtesy of AP's Doug Ferguson:

"Q: Name the only two players from Dublin to win the British Open.

"A: Padraig Harrington (Dublin, Ireland) and Ben Hogan (Dublin, Texas)."

Draft-paper Lion

Former Army linebacker Caleb Campbell, just a day from his first practice with the Detroit Lions, was instead recalled to active duty.

Mel Kiper Jr., reporting from the Army's war room, second-guessed the generals for not taking him earlier.

Don't kill the umpire

What, umpire Tim McClelland worry when wild-eyed George Brett come charging at him out of the dugout after McClelland made the infamous "pine tar" call 25 years ago?

"I knew he wasn't going to hit me or run over me," McClelland told reporters in a conference call. "If he did, I'd probably own the Kansas City Royals now."

Three quoters' worth

• Jay Mariotti of the Chicago Sun-Times, not exactly salivating over another Rex Grossman-Kyle Orton Bears quarterbacking duel: "It's pro football's lamest QB controversy ever. It's like going to a restaurant and seeing only Spam and chopped liver on the dinner menu."

• White Sox slugger Carlos Quentin, to the Chicago Tribune, after Texas' C.J. Wilson described the pitch that Quentin hit for a winning homer as "a meatball": "If he says he did whatever he did, he did whatever he did."

• Headline at TheOnion.com: "Mariners improve to eight games over .300."

Next question

Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino, to ESPN, when asked what he misses most about the NFL: "Not a thing."

Coming tomorrow: ESPN asks the NFL what it misses most about Bobby Petrino.

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com