Sideline Chatter | As if golf didn't have enough obstacles

Getting up and down might be a challenge on this golf course.

The University of Texas at Brownsville is suing to stop construction of a border fence across campus, the Brownsville Herald reported, because the 18-foot-high fence would put the university's golf course on the Mexican side.

White stuff isn't Tide

Alabama kicked linebacker Jimmy Johns off the football team last week after he was charged with five counts of selling cocaine.

So much for coaches demanding more production between the white lines.

Peddling Viagra

University of Miami researchers want to know if Viagra improves the performance of cyclists at high altitudes.

As noted by Greg Cote of the Miami Herald: "The study is an indication that evidently all diseases have been cured and scientists have officially run out of important things to research."

Mirror, Mirror Dept.

Chris Eaton, the world's 661st-ranked tennis player, drives a modest Vauxhall Astra — complete with a taped-up side mirror — and he says that won't change even after he won more than $40,000 at Wimbledon.

But, he admitted to BBC Sport, "Maybe I will buy some better duct tape."

Bad ring to it

Shaquille O'Neal's vulgar rap rip of ex-teammate Kobe Bryant — the one that cost him his badge as an honorary deputy in Arizona — is now available as a ringtone for your cellphone, according to the seller's Web site, along with a "JibJab-style animation with the mashup soundtrack."

Added Larry Stewart of the Los Angeles Times: "Just remember to turn it off in church."

So much for Plan B

Ilkeston Town, a British soccer team, sold star striker Adam Muller to a rival squad last week — and replacing him doesn't figure to be easy.

As team manager David Holdsworth told the Ilkeston Advertiser: "Right now it feels as though I have sold a Mercedes and am having to look at Ford Cortinas and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang."

Quote marks

• Mr. Flip from the Baltimore Sun's Flip Side column, indignant after Wimbledon officials relegated Serena and Venus Williams' Monday matches to Court 2: "To quote Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing, 'Nobody puts Baby in the corner.' "

• Elliott Harris of the Chicago Sun-Times, on just-retired defensive lineman Warren Sapp longing to give TV's "Dancing With the Stars" a try: "At the very least, he's used to being held."

• Richard Oliver of the San Antonio Express-News, on actor Robert Redford turning 72 next month: "When The Natural swings Wonderboy these days, it's to chase kids off his lawn."

• TBS baseball commentator Ron Darling, as quoted in the L.A. Times, on Reds slugger Adam Dunn: "He's so strong he blows bubbles with beef jerky."

Fly patterns

The Baltimore Ravens, enamored with the Seahawks' trained hawk that swoops through the stadium before kickoff, have hired a trainer in Georgia to get a raven to do the same, but the bird's days might be numbered.

Mad scientist Bill Belichick is already hard at work on a Patriot missile.

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com