Sideline Chatter | If UPS was tracking this, they'd blow a gasket

Talk about the mother of unscheduled pit stops.

Four 1,700-pound, black-granite replicas of Goodyear Eagle racing tires, commissioned by Darlington (S.C.) Raceway for use as milestone markers, somehow got lost during shipment from China — and were finally located in Anchorage a week later.

"You're not going to believe what happened," Darlington Monuments owner Mike Richardson told raceway president Chris Browning. "They got to California and got put on the wrong train and ended up in Alaska."

Taking no chances, this train will make the 4,500-mile trek to Darlington under yellow behind a pilot car.

Distant replay

Jazz players suspect that Rockets forward Shane Battier is intercepting their play calls, but it's no big deal.

"Of course everybody knows what we're doing," guard Deron Williams told the Deseret News. "Coach [Jerry Sloan] has been calling the same plays since 1927."

It's out of the bag

Not only did troubled cornerback Pacman Jones finally got his wish when the Titans traded him to Dallas, but he got a new contract out of it.

Financial terms were not disclosed, other than the obvious speculation that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones "made it rain."

Just wondering

If Seattle somehow wins its longshot lawsuit to retain the Sonics, will Clay Bennett call himself "a man repossessed"?

30-Something Dept.

With May 25 getting ever closer, Miguel Tejada party-goers are getting desperate. Just what do you get a guy who's about to celebrate his 32nd, 33rd and 34th birthdays?

Quote, end quote

• Bill Suda of the San Diego Union-Tribune, on the Stone Temple Pilots' concert tour including a performance at Indianapolis Motor Speedway two days before this year's Indy 500: "Where else would a band known as STP play?"

• Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, after "Fox News Sunday" political pundits named the Capitals' Alexander Ovechkin their Power Player of the Week: "Do you know what a big deal that is, for Fox to honor a left-winger?"

• Poker pro Phil Gordon, to The New York Times' blog Freakonomics.com, on why Leonardo Da Vinci would be among his six-player dream table: "Poker wasn't invented when he was alive, but I have a feeling he could pick it up easily."

New ticket policy

The Mariners' ballpark won't be changing its name anytime soon despite Liberty Mutual Insurance buying up Seattle-based Safeco, a Safeco spokesman said.

The so-called convenience fee on M's tickets, however, will be henceforth known as "the $5 deductible."

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com