Eli Manning may add "I do" formation to his playbook

Eli Manning is about to get his second ring in three months.

The Giants quarterback and reigning Super Bowl MVP will marry college sweetheart Abby McGrew later this month, the New York Post reported.But no truth to the rumor that the couple is planning to elope — or as it's better known in football circles, running the quick-hitch route.

Revisionist history

Marv Robon, a lawyer trying to help Michigan football coach Rich Rodriguez get out of paying a $4 million buyout penalty for leaving West Virginia, told the court it's akin to "back before the Civil War, when slaves had the right to buy their freedom," the Charleston (W.Va.) Daily Mail reported.

Nice try. These coaches get paid six-figure bonuses just for getting their teams to a bowl game, while their players get paid — how much?

Bullish on Belleville

It's probably no accident that the Maple Leafs haven't won a Stanley Cup since 1967. In 1989, for example, Toronto's NHL team amassed three first-round draft picks — and used all three on players from the same junior team, the Belleville (Ont.) Bulls.

As one of those players, L.A. Kings forward Scott Thornton, told the Windsor (Ont.) Star: "I guess the Leafs had a limited scouting budget, or there was a pretty good watering hole in Belleville."

Stop the bleeding

That eight-year, $121 million contract that Colorado once awarded injury-plagued pitcher Mike Hampton — who hasn't started a game in nearly 32 months — finally comes to a merciful end after this season.

"When the deal expires," wrote Jeff Schultz of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, "all parties will have paid off: the Rockies, the Marlins, the Braves and Aetna."

Net Profit Dept.

"In the latest sign that the end is near," wrote Rich Perelman of TheSportsExaminer.com, "Werner Ladder — the world's leading maker of ladders and climbing equipment — is now an NCAA sponsor and will provide ladders for Monday's men's championship game in San Antonio. ...

"Still unsold but presumably available would be a sponsorship of the Official Scissors of the NCAA basketball net-cutting ceremony."

Quote marks

• Suns center Shaquille O'Neal, to The Associated Press, after a reporter told him that his expletive-laced quote was unprintable: "You can quote me, brother. You can put an S, then the tic-tac-toe, the 'at' sign and then the other symbols."

• CBS broadcaster Verne Lundquist, after Xavier's Derrick Brown became the second Musketeer to foul out in a Sweet 16 win over West Virginia: "One more and you could write a novel."

• Pete McEntegart of SI.com, on the downside of Chicago Bears coach Lovie Smith endorsing Barack Obama: "The Clinton campaign immediately pointed out that Smith has also backed Rex Grossman."

Not so fast, fella

Kimi Raikkonen got socked with a $3,774 fine, AP reported, after the Formula One driver got clocked going 44 mph — 7 mph over the limit — in pit lane during practice for the Bahrain Grand Prix.

And you thought your speeding ticket was steep?

Sideline Chatter appears Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com