It's offensive when fans drive the lane

Gawkers are taking it to the house — LeBron James', that is.

The Cavaliers star is having a 35,440-square-foot mansion — complete with theater, bowling alley, casino and barber shop — built on 5.6 acres in Bath Township, about 20 miles south of Cleveland. Construction won't be completed until next year, and the end can't come soon enough for his nine next-door neighbors to be.

"People who come to photograph it are disrespectful," Tom Bader told the Akron Beacon Journal. "They park their car in the middle of the street — with their doors open! And you're sitting behind them!

"All I wanna do is go home after a hard day's work."

Tiger hunting

Peyton Manning, the Colts' ubiquitous quarterback, finished second behind golf icon Tiger Woods in a Sports Business Daily poll to determine the most marketable athlete on the planet.

Judging by Manning's body of work, though, you can't say it wasn't for lack of trying.

Flat-ice society

"Some believe hockey without fighting is like filet mignon without the grill," wrote Bill Lankhof of the Toronto Sun. "Of course, people once believed the world was flat, too."

Hear, hear

Four Bulgarian men were arrested in Crete after part of a man's ear was bitten off when a brawl broke out after Turkey's 4-1 win over Greece in a European Championship qualifier.

Local authorities say they were utterly shocked ... to learn that Mike Tyson was a soccer fan.

Hello, Columbus

Snippet from an AP interview with Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel:

• On how his NCAA tournament bracket is looking: "I didn't fill out a bracket. There would have been only one team in my bracket, and it's still playing."

• On what lessons he learned from his team's 41-14 loss to Florida in the BCS title game: "What do you want me to say? Depression?"

It's all in the name

Illinois, with 38 victories, owns the dubious distinction of winning the most NCAA tournament games without ever capturing a national title.

"And now that Chief Illiniwek has been relegated to the 'happy hunting ground of mascots,' " reader Tom Scarpelli noted in an e-mail to ChicagoSports.com, "the University of Illinois athletic teams can unveil their rightful new name, 'The Fighting Schottenheimers.' "

Quote marks

• Elliott Harris of the Chicago Sun-Times, on ESPN sacking Joe Theismann from its "Monday Night Football" broadcast booth: "It's not the first time he has been blindsided. On the bright side, no broken legs were involved in the making of this decision."

• Headline at SI.com, on UCLA basketball coach Ben Howland's trademark intensity: "Warlord of Westwood."

• Dan Daly of the Washington Times, on news that Tom Brady's new girlfriend isn't pregnant after all: "Glad that's resolved. For a while there, I thought they might have to bring in Ed Hochuli to review the sonogram."

• Dan Daly of the Washington Times, after Nationals GM Jim Bowden called his team's pitching staff "a work in progress": "What work would that be, Jim, Venus de Milo?"

Hold your britches

Former NBA player John Starks is among those bankrolling ZipWay, breakaway sweats that can reportedly be torn away from the body in just 0.3 seconds.

As if pro athletes have any problem getting their pants off quickly enough.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com