Can you hear me now? OK, I'll leave my card

This probably wasn't quite the kind of extended cell minutes these guys had in mind.

Five players have been kicked off the Georgia Military College football team after they were arrested on suspicion of stealing two cellular phones from a Nextel store, The Associated Press reported. How bright were they? You make the call: One of them left his identification card at the scene of the crime.

Two-way threat

"Tight end Rosario a valuable, versatile teammate," read the headline in the Salem (Ore.) Statesman-Journal last Thursday.

Maybe a little too versatile, in the view of California's football team.

"Oregon tight end Dante Rosario had a busy day," wrote Jay Heater of the Contra Costa Times after the Bears' 45-24 demolishing of the Ducks on Saturday. "He head-butted Cal wide receiver DeSean Jackson along the sideline and later kicked a Cal player during Jackson's 65-yard punt return for a touchdown."

And Dewey defeats Truman

"Did you see where Dwight Howard predicted that the Magic could go all the way to the finals this season?" asked Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel. "In other news, young Dwight also predicted Nick Lachey to win a Grammy, 'Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot II' to win the Oscar and a 1974 Dodge Dart to win the Daytona 500."

Butt of 249 jokes

Italian soccer player Marco Materazzi is out with a book, titled "What I Actually Told Zidane," listing the 249 things he could have told France's Zinedine Zidane to get Zidane to head-butt him during their World Cup match. According to the ANSA news agency, they include:

• "You haven't lost yet, and already you've ripped your hair out."

• "Since Foucault died, French philosophy has sucked."

Talking the talk

• Brad Rock of the Deseret News, on BYU winning its past three football games by an average score of 39-11: "The Cougars, then, are rolling. Not a world-class roll, but a roll nonetheless. ... There have been plagues less one-sided."

• Rangers left wing Brendan Shanahan, to the Westchester (N.Y.) Journal News, on the post-lockout NHL's attendance challenge: "It's like we've repaired the house, and now we just need to invite more people over."

• Frank Fitzpatrick of The Philadelphia Inquirer, with the ingredients for a Terrell Owens Cheesesteak: "Thick slices of tongue, lots of baby Swiss, and imperial onions atop rolls made from unearned dough."

• Jim Armstrong of The Denver Post, on face-stomping Albert Haynesworth's job prospects once his five-game NFL suspension is over: "Look for Haynesworth back in a Titans uniform about the time Jen starts washing Brad's boxer shorts."

The Bronx Glue

The owners of Japanese race horse Haru Urara have finally retired the 10-year-old mare, the Asahi Shimbun reported, after she failed to win a race in 113 tries.

The steed's last straw apparently came during the baseball playoffs, when rivals began referring to her as "Neigh-Rod."

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com