The biggest blowout in Missouri history

A Missouri teen shattered Mike Powell's world record by nearly a quarter-mile, but unfortunately this long jump was a bit wind-aided.

A tornado's 150 mph winds blew Matt Suter, 19, wearing only his boxer shorts, clean out of his grandmother's trailer home near Fordland and sent him flying into a grassy field — some 1,307 feet away, according to a National Weather Service GPS reading.

Except for getting briefly KO'd and cut on the scalp by a flying table lamp, Suter escaped remarkably unscathed.

As Tom Grazulis, a Vermont-based tornado researcher, told the Springfield (Mo.) News-Leader: "I've never heard of anyone going that far in a tornado and surviving."

Mean legs and ham

Slugger Juan Gonzalez, whose barking legs limited him to just one at-bat last season, has signed a minor-league contract with the Boston Red Sox, the team reported.

Lawyers pored over the fine print and found no hamstrings attached.

Talking the talk

• Ted Wyman of the Winnipeg Sun, on the Cowboys signing high-maintenance receiver Terrell Owens: "That means it's only 60 days until his first contract-renegotiation demand, 90 days until his first public slagging of Drew Bledsoe, and six months until his first appearance on the inactive list."

• Times desk editor Tony Augusty, on the top inside-outside scoring tandem in the Huntsville (Ala.) Times' tournament bracket of 64 Biblical characters: "John the Baptist, when it comes to dunking, and Noah, from behind the ark."

• Former DePaul basketball player Doug Bruno, to The Associated Press, on what coach Ray Meyer, who died last week at age 92, would mutter when one of his players shot too much: "I'd hate to be at dinner with him, because he wouldn't pass you the potatoes."

• Richard Oliver of the San Antonio Express-News, on the PGA's newest hunk, Colombian Camilo Villegas: "The last time the tour saw pants this tight, John Daly was leaning over to pick up a dropped cigarette."

Serpents with a smile

Shahimi Abdul Hamid of Malaysia, 33, pecked a 15-foot king cobra 51 times in three minutes, The Star of London reported, to claim the world record for venomous-snake kissing.

That is, by a non-boxing promoter.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com