Ticked off at the Mariners? You bet.

A man identifying himself as Nikolay Lachkov, a journalist for a Bulgarian Internet sports site, e-mailed The Seattle Times to complain about the Mariners blowing a 6-3 lead in the ninth inning to Texas on Sunday when Gold Glove second baseman Bret Boone let a ground ball go between his legs and reliever Eddie Guardado gave up a pair of two-run homers. "Yesterday I put my last $52.74 on the Mariners to win in the bottom of the eighth, when the score was 6-3," he wrote. "I have been a betting addict for many years and have lost a considerable amount of money, but I have never lost in a similar fashion.

"My request is that the Seattle Mariners refund me the $52.74 I lost yesterday and send me an official apology for their performance in this game.

"If they refuse to fulfill my request, I will curse the Seattle Mariners and they will never ever win the MLB title. So after the Babe Ruth curse and the curse of the Billy Goat, you will have the Lachkov curse as well."

Never win a World Series? The Lachkov curse, we assume, is retroactive to 1977.

Service break

Organizers of the Monte Carlo Masters tennis tournament have decreed that no matches will be played during the funeral of Monaco's Prince Rainier, thus delaying the start of Friday's quarterfinals by four hours.

Those matches go down in the record books, we assume, as games called on account of Rain.

They're licked

"The U.S. Postal Service files a request seeking a two-cent raise in the rate for regular mail," noted David Thomas of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. "Atlanta Hawks players respond by requesting cost-of-living raises so they can continue mailing it in."

On thin ice in Italy

USA Hockey chairman Walter Bush told the St. Paul Pioneer Press that it might be too late for National Hockey League players to compete in next February's Olympics in Turin, Italy.

On second thought, maybe the IOC ought to save them the suspense and just lock them out.

Talking the talk

• CBS's David Letterman, after the Mets lost their opener: "And I was worried after six months they'd be rusty."

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on baseball's vow to stamp out steroids: "Now if you want dangerous, unhealthy chemicals at a baseball game you'll have to get them the old-fashioned way: in the hot dogs."

• Actor Paul Newman, to NBC's Jay Leno, on what wife Joanne Woodward thinks of his auto-racing hobby: "She doesn't buy jewelry, she doesn't buy dresses. She buys insurance."

• Leno, on this month's solar eclipse: "The skies will darken in the middle of the day, and they say the eclipse will be visible mostly in Miami, but not in L.A. Kind of like the NBA playoffs."

Gut one, hut two

Rumor has it that New York Giants quarterback Jared Lorenzen might be packing even more poundage than the usual 275 he plays at.

Too many more pounds, experts warn, and he might become the NFL's first true rollout passer.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com