Sideline Chatter
Not much vision shown in umpires' site selection

By Dwight Perry
The Seattle Times

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Not that any self-respecting baseball coach would ever bring it up while arguing a blown call or anything, but the Central Ohio Baseball Umpires Association certainly made itself an inviting target for bench jockeys when it picked its place to conduct business.

According to www.ohsaa.org, the Ohio High School Athletic Association's Web site, the umps have booked seven preseason meetings at 5220 N. High Street in Columbus. In case you're not familiar with the area, that's the Ohio School for the Blind.

Emission statement

Just wondering: Does Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s NASCAR dental plan cover restrictor plates?

Sox? Try aisle three

Pitcher Pedro Martinez, it appears, will be the first Red Sox player in four decades to be featured on a Wheaties box.

Noted Randy Turner of the Winnipeg Free Press: "Ironically, the last Boston baseball hero to have such an honor was Ted Williams, who, according to industry sources, can now be found in your grocer's frozen-food section."

Dirt on dancing
 
Maybe Posh Spice ought to take a soccer ball along and make it a threesome the next time she and hubby David Beckham hit the dance floor.

"I've never seen a footballer who knows how to dance," she told Gala, a Spanish magazine. "David doesn't have a clue."

On the bright side, she said, the couple's two sons have inherited her musical genes.

"Both of them like music and have rhythm. But if they grow up to become footballers, they will be the first footballers with rhythm."

Talking the talk

• Brooks Melchior of sportsbybrooks.com, on the Canteen Corporation announcing plans for a "NASCAR Express Cuisine" vending machine for racing fans: "Pork rinds, pickled eggs and moonshine. Now that's my kind of vending machine."

• NBC's Jay Leno, on reports that Kobe Bryant told police that Shaquille O'Neal spent millions in hush money to women: "There's never ever been a charge like that against Shaq, although there was a rumor that Shaq's record company once paid Shaq to keep quiet."

• Barry Rozner of the Chicago Daily Herald, on the NBA Bulls' Eddy Curry saying he's finally in shape as training camp approaches: "I didn't realize it was February already."

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on Jets coach Herm Edwards banning all electronic devices — cellphones, pagers, MP3s, laptops, DVD players — from the team's locker room: "In sheer desperation, the Jets have formed a book discussion group."

Jumpin' Jiminy

The Greensboro (N.C.) News & Record reports that the city's minor-league baseball team will change its name from Bats to Grasshoppers when it moves into a new downtown stadium next season.

But Grasshoppers? Great name — if the Bats were a cricket team.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com