Sideline Chatter
If Ichiro falters, let him bunt his way to record

By Dwight Perry
The Seattle Times

ERIC RISBERG / ASSOCIATED PRESS Ichiro was hit by a pitch Wednesday, raising the specter of an injury halting his run to the season hits record. But we've got that possibility covered.

E-mail this article Print this article Search archive Most read articles Most e-mailed articles

When Ichiro got hit by a pitch Wednesday night, it brought up the dreaded specter of injury dashing his quest to break George Sisler's season hit record in this weekend's closing series against Texas.

Not to worry. Chris Cluff, our fellow Times desk editor, offers the UConn solution:

"Baseball could follow precedent set by NCAA women's basketball: Invoke the 'Nykesha Sales Rule' and allow Ichiro to bunt his way to the record unchallenged.

"The Mariners could then allow the Rangers two hits to make it fair."

It's not Boardwalk

"Along with that five-game suspension for menacing fans," wondered Jeff Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, "was Dodgers outfielder Milton Bradley instructed to not pass 'Go' and not collect $200?"

To Serge, with love

Bob Elliott of the Toronto Sun, who once covered the Montreal Expos, waxed nostalgic as he watched the team's last home game Wednesday, including this exchange involving Serge Touchette of Le Journal de Montreal.

Wrote Elliott: "Someone once told a struggling Neal Heaton after he had been dealt to the Pittsburgh Pirates in 1989 how he would pitch better with the Bucs, saying: 'They have a great outfield — Barry Bonds, Andy Van Slyke and Bobby Bonilla.'
 
"Asked Serge: 'Where are they going to play? The 14th row?' "

Now that's foresight

Noting the golf ball that was thrown onto the field and interrupted play in Montreal's home finale — not to mention the 600-mile distance Expos fans will have to negotiate to see their relocated team's home games in D.C. — Times desk editor Joshua Beach wonders, "Will there be a long-drive competition next season?"

Pardon the eruption

Seismologists got a late start tracking the latest tremors on Mount St. Helens, rumor has it, because all the eruption-measuring equipment had been packed away ever since Lou Piniella left town.

All in the family

Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez shrugged off yet another loss to New York by saying, "I tip my cap and call the Yankees my Daddy."

In that case, mused Jim Caple of ESPN.com, that must make Don Zimmer Pedro's crazy uncle.

Talking the talk

• Bob Knight, Texas Tech's pit bull of a basketball coach, on giving National Press Club president Sheila Cherry a peck on the cheek during a speaking engagement there: "That is a historical moment — my kissing a writer."

• Bill Lankhof of the Toronto Sun, on the Court of Arbitration for Sport hearing almost 12 hours of arguments in the Olympic gold-medal flap between gymnasts Paul Hamm and Yang Tae-young: "Maybe they could just get it over with and have them flip for it."

• Barry Rozner of the Chicago Daily Herald, wondering if the Cubs' collars are getting a bit tight down the stretch: "Is there a Dr. Heimlich in the house?"

Trite, trite again

Psychologist Don Powell has written a book titled "Best Sports Clichés Ever!" — listing 1,771 of them in 87 categories — reports Brooks Melchior of sportsbybrooks.com.

As soon as our backs aren't against the wall and there is a tomorrow, we plan to give this book the 110 percent it deserves — one cliché at a time.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com