Sideline Chatter
Old Lincoln sputters a bit but still runs

DEAN RUTZ / THE SEATTLE TIMES Howard Lincoln, the Mariners' chairman and chief executive officer, has been put up for "auction" on eBay by one disgruntled fan (Safeco Field not included).

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In the market for a good used Lincoln? The Mariners' CEO is up for bid on eBay, courtesy of one fan frustrated over the team's stumbling start.

"This mouthpiece makes a great management replacement as it comes installed with all the required business jargon and clichés," reads the item description for one Howard Lincoln.

"It also has embedded software with the ability to complete fuzzy accounting at lightning speeds for the financially challenged. The typical Seattle resident actually believes the Mariners are barely profitable and have a payroll of $95 million! It is hard to argue with results like that. ...

"I bought it in 1999, and it worked well for the first few years but started to malfunction in 2002. There is a tendency for this model to repeat the same spin from year to year, which may cause difficulty with your fan base if you use this model for any long length of time."

Bidding, which opened at 1 cent, was up to $5,100 yesterday after 40 offers, with auctioning set to close Tuesday. And, as an added bonus ... free shipping!

It's Archie for you, on Line 2

Punter Jeff Feagles, formerly known as No. 10 in your New York Giants program, has agreed to switch to No. 17 this season so top draft pick Eli Manning can wear 10.

"Had Feagles balked at the offer," speculated Jeff Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, "Archie Manning would probably have ordered the Giants to trade Feagles to the San Diego Chargers."

But Archie isn't the only Manning manning the phone lines.

"I received a call from Eli Manning the other day," reader Dominador Nazareno told the San Francisco Chronicle. "He told me not to draft him for my fantasy football team."
 
Rolling in the Isles

How big of a hockey fanatic is Roger Farina, the U.S. Army helicopter pilot who won the NHL's inaugural Seventh Man Award for fan of the year last year?

According to Canadian Press, his three daughters' middle names all come courtesy of his beloved New York Islanders, which explains Abigale Nystrom, Allyson Gillies and, born just this month, Amelia Potvin.

Here's hoping the Farinas stop stocking their farm club before they can get around to Aintshe Bossy.

Talking the talk

• Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, to Fox Sports Net, on the difference between his reality show, "The Benefactor," and rival Donald Trump's: "If you win Trump's show, you get a job. If you win my show, you don't need a job."

• Elliott Harris of the Chicago Sun-Times, with a suggested headline for the next reported infidelities of soccer's biggest star: "Bed it like Beckham."

• NBC's Jay Leno, on St. Louis Blues winger Mike Danton getting arrested in a bizarre hitman-for-hire case: "He could get 20 years in prison, which is what, 14 Canadian?"

Tie food for thought

The National Hockey League, trying to cut down on travel costs and boost rivalries closer to home, is considering dividing the league into halves, with the two sides never meeting in season until the Stanley Cup Finals.

Toronto Maple Leafs tough guy Tie Domi, we assume, is all for adopting the old baseball format — just as long as he's in the half of the league that adopts the designated hitter.

— Dwight Perry, The Seattle Times