Originally published Sunday, September 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM

Danny O'Neil's NFL power rankings

Last year's final ranking in parentheses Team Comment 1 New England (1) Years of playing footsie with supermodels and actresses apparently...

Last year's final ranking in parentheses


	Team	Comment
1	New England (1)	Years of playing footsie with supermodels and actresses apparently caught up to Tom Brady.
2	San Diego (7)	Knee ligaments, who needs those? Not Shawne Merriman. He'll play on bloody stumps if he must.
3	Indianapolis (2)	Waitin' for Peyton: The story of the Colts' 2008 training camp.
4	Jacksonville (4)	Matt Jones' offseason arrest for cocaine gave new meaning to "lining up at wide receiver."
5	New Orleans (18)	Shockey therapy: Saints hoping that tight end will add to an already dangerous offense.
6	Pittsburgh (6)	How Sweed it is: Steelers add to Roethlisberger's aerial options by drafting Texas wideout.
7	Seattle (9)	Jordan, Courtney and Logan? OMG. These receivers are starting to totally sound like a sorority.
8	Philadelphia (17)	Jason Avant is a WR. Too bad. A guy with a name like Avant really should play guard.
9	New York Giants (12)	Michael Strahan sure worked the crowd Thursday. Anyone need a gaptoothed hype-man?
10	Dallas (3)	Holy Hollywood: The QB's girl is a pop star, practice was on HBO and Colombo's playing tackle.
11	Houston (15)	Everyone on the bandwagon? Now it's up to Schaub to keep this season's chic pick out of a ditch.
12	Carolina (23)	Steve Smith makes it easy to get your nose bent out of shape on the sideline. Just ask Ken Lucas.
13	Tennessee (8)	Someone needs to tell the ground-bound Titans that the NFL legalized the forward pass in 1933.
14	New York Jets (30)	From Mississippi to Manhattan: A Diva's Tale of Changing Your Mind and Your Mailing Address.
15	Green Bay (5)	Really, who needs the league's all-time leading passer when you've got ... umm ... Aaron Rodgers.
16	San Francisco (25)	Justin Timberlake O'Sullivan? No, he just sounds like a boy-band crooner. It's actually John Thomas.
17	Arizona (21)	Paper or plastic? Former grocery-store employee Kurt Warner bagged himself a starting job.
18	Minnesota (16)	Vikings already have two Hicks on the roster, so why would they need to trade for Brett Favre?
19	Detroit (19)	Tatum Bell didn't steal Rudi Johnson's bags, he was simply trying to find work as a bellhop.
20	Buffalo (14)	The most aptly named player in the league? Why that would be Bills cornerback Reggie Corner.
21	Cleveland (10)	Just a guess, but TE Darnell Dinkins sounds like a specialist in short receptions.
22	Tampa Bay (11)	Do you think long snapper Andrew Economos is an affordable option?
23	Denver (24)	Lichtensteiger, a lager or a lineman? Kory is actually a rookie center whose surname sounds brewed.
24	Cincinnati (22)	Now that Chad Johnson changed his name, will his kids get to be called Ocho Cincitos?
25	Washington (13)	Capital offense? Not on Thursday. Washington was hard-pressed to get it across midfield.
26	Chicago (20)	Kyle Orton wasn't any good in 2005, and that was when he had Muhammad and Berrian.
27	Baltimore (26)	Ravens must be whacko over Flacco to go and start him in the season-opener.
28	St. Louis (29)	The Rams have a rotten clod named Claude Wroten who's suspended for the year.
29	Miami (32)	For years, they've marketed dolphin-safe tuna. Now, it's the Tuna trying to save the Dolphins.
30	Kansas City (28)	The Young and the Restless: Chiefs chock full of rookies.
31	Atlanta (31)	Falcons new QB Matt Ryan has two first names and an impeccable record with the Humane Society.
32	Oakland (27)	Inflation or idiocy? The Raiders spent $255 million this offseason and still won't make the playoffs.