Fan's guide | Player stats | Schedule | Roster

Steve Kelley / Times staff columnist
Bizarre Monday Night Football message

E-mail this article Print this article Search archive Most read articles Most e-mailed articles

His Kansas City Chiefs are about to be introduced to the home crowd before a game they absolutely have to win.

All of a sudden, out from behind his chalkboard steps Barbara Walters, ostensibly there to promote an upcoming "20-20" special.

Slowly, Walters sidles up to the distinguished gray-haired coach.

"Do you really want to go out there on this cold night and coach that disappointing 3-and-6 football team of yours?" Walters asks. "You deserve better than that. Why don't you stay in here with me? I'll expose your soul."

The always-emotional Vermeil turns to the camera, tears trickling down his face.

Then the scene cuts away and Hank Williams Jr. is asking us the musical question, "Are you ready for some football?"

Would that scene be any stranger than what we saw before last Monday's game between Philadelphia and Dallas? Would it be any less tasteless than Nicolette Sheridan's towel malfunction in front of Philadelphia wide receiver Terrell Owens last week?

How low is ABC willing go?

By now practically everyone in the country has seen the video of the opening to last week's "Monday Night Football," in which Sheridan entices Owens to skip the game to be with her.

When I saw it, my first thought was: What would I have done if this had happened six years ago and I was watching the TV with my high-school-football-playing son?
 
Here was arguably the best wide receiver in football acting out a scene where he decides his game and his teammates aren't as important as an hour with some desperate housewife.

The message to the kids, about as subtle as the beer ads about twins or the one with the models in bikinis fighting in a fountain, was that sex rules. It is more important than responsibility, or commitment.

The pseudo-sexy nature of the scene wasn't offensive. We see it every night on television.

If the Federal Communications Commission - which is investigating this blatant promo for ABC's "Desperate Housewives," a show that frankly doesn't need any promotion - was offended by Sheridan's simulated nudity, it better start levying fines on every drama on the tube.

The skit was just stupid and so far out of the context that it made no sense.

It was offensive because of the message it sent to kids and because of the stereotype it presented that professional athletes, especially black athletes, would rather romp in the locker room with a sex-starved blonde than honor their commitment to play for their team.

The spotlight-seeking Owens, who semi-apologized on Thursday, was the innocent dupe in this. But how could the NFL have been so completely blindsided?

Where were the Eagles' administrators? And why didn't they call the NFL offices?

Where was Owens' management team? Where was one sane voice in all of this silliness?

Who at ABC thought this was a good idea? Are they only trying to sell the game to the beer-swilling, couch-wallowing Jeff Foxworthys of this country?

Has interest in "Monday Night Football" sunk that low? Is "CSI: Miami" really more interesting than NFL Miami?

(Come to think of it, the answer to the latter question is yes.)

Are Al and John such a pale facsimile of Howard, Dandy Don and Frank that the network feels it has to hype their entrance, literally, with locker-room %humor?

Isn't everybody sick of networks using sporting events to promote their other programming? What, for instance, were Kelly Ripa and George Lopez doing in the Monday night booth this season?

Every network is guilty of bad self-promotion. There is a long and inglorious tradition of using major sporting events to hype their nightly programming.

At the Fox-televised World Series, I half-expected the cast of "Arrested Development" to sing the national anthem. I never checked, maybe they were scheduled for Game 6.

We can only imagine what promotional stunts Fox has planned for its telecast of the Super Bowl.

I envision a skit where Kiefer Sutherland, wearing an Eagles uniform, sneaks into the Steelers' locker room before the game and slips a mickey into the Gatorade of Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.

The mickey paralyzes Roethlisberger, allowing the Eagles to win their first Super Bowl title.

Enough already.

And if, the week after next, ABC's entertainment people stroll into Kirkland with a cool idea for an opening that includes Marcia Cross and Matt Hasselbeck, the Seahawks better toss them all the way back to Madison Avenue.

We turn the TV on for the games. Not the gimmicks.