Now here's a news flash! Well, maybe ...

They would never admit to it. But deep down, every communications officer working for a public agency knows that part of his or her task is to communicate official business to media and the public just well enough to never attract undue attention.

Some are better than others. Ranking highest on the Judd Stupefaction Scale (patent pending) is this humdinger of a lead paragraph on a news release from Washington State Parks. Guaranteed to make you not want to know more:

OLYMPIA — Nov. 25, 2009 — At its regular meeting next week in Centralia, the Washington State Parks and Recreation Commission will consider a variety of actions, including adoption of park land-use plans, sustainability, winter recreation appointments, easements, partnership agreements, land acquisitions and park transfer agreements.

We KID the State Parks people. And we know there's something interesting going on down in Centralia. Someone please wake us when it happens.

Other blank stares:

The Good News For Black Friday Shoppers: The cafe staff at Ikea in Renton gave away free breakfasts to early risers. The bad: The Byorkvykslauffen Breakfast Sandwich had to be assembled with a little Barbie-sized Allen wrench.

It Was The Only Good Indian Food They Could Find In D.C.: Two uninvited freeloaders crashed the first state dinner of the Obama administration. Well, somebody had to represent Congress.

Yes, She Shot It From A Helicopter: Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, R-Sylvan Learning Center, spent Thanksgiving with relatives in Richland, where she enjoyed a dinner that included a unique free-range, self-roasting turkey from the Hanford nuclear reservation.

Meanwhile, In Barren-Tundra Country: The 2010 Winter Olympic flame has been extinguished a dozen times by cold, windy weather in Canada's Arctic climes. Anyone else find it troubling that the engineers from Bombardier who designed the torch are the same ones responsible for those little commuter planes we bounce around in all winter?

To All You Highly Sensitive Laurelhursters: The Wrap guy is well aware that deep down, you wouldn't turn away a sick child at the expanding Children's Hospital just to improve traffic (see last week's column). He also is (now) well aware that some of you really can't take a joke. Loosen up those penny loafers, Biff.

Rah, Rah, Rah: The Apple Cup went off as scheduled Saturday, proving, once and for all, that a major college sports event cannot, under any circumstances, ever be canceled due to complete lack of interest.

Speaking Of Which: We'll find out if the same rule applies to the NFL when the Seahawks take on the St. Louis Rams later today.

Meanwhile, In Perugia: The murder trial of Seattle's Amanda Knox appeared to be nearing a conclusion when several more jurors died of old age. A lengthy appeal is expected.

Note To All You Gawkers who tied up traffic for miles in both directions on Interstate 5 near Marysville Thanksgiving Day as you gaped in wonder at workers cleaning up boxes from a truck overturned well off the road: Have you never seen cardboard before?

And Finally: Boeing officials are now saying the alleged 787 Dreamliner will fly sometime in late December. Yeah, right. We're still sticking with our original, uncanny prediction of sometime after the February 2010 Winter Olympics. Model-airplane glue will only dry as fast as it wants to.

A section and Thursday's Sports section. E-mail: rjudd@seattletimes.com