The ugly side of seeking love online

A funny thing happened on the way to my inbox not so long ago. A woman purportedly from Russia wrote me, saying she had found my e-mail on a Web site and was looking for someone to befriend when she took a temporary job in my town, with the ultimate purpose of finding the right man.

I answered the letter saying I would love to meet her and signed it "Bernardo." This was for research purposes only. I was sure this was a scam, and wanted to play along with it for a while. Just until she asked for money, and I could jump out of the virtual brush and scream, "Aha!"

But I lost my nerve. Her next letter was so guileless and sweet. "I am full of plans and different dreams and I want to share my life with good man because I'm also full of love and tenderness. ... I know that I am not so beautiful like Hollywood Princess, but I do hope to meet my Prince and I am sure he will be not be disappointed to meet me in the real life!"

And her pictures? Precious. I still wanted to play along for a while, send along a de-focused picture of Dick Cheney with a Photoshopped wart, just as a test. But I'd lost the motivation. What if she was for real? What if I wrote her, led her on, and she actually came here?

I soon hardened, after receiving another message from a different woman, "Olga," who said she was 32. At least this one was more than half my age, but the wording was identical. I now get at least one such proposal a week. They are all the same.

I-want-a-man-who-will-treat-me-right-I-don't-like-Russia-anymore-I-can-make-you-happy.

And of course I feel like an idiot for going soft in the first place, as the person writing this probably has a heavier beard and a larger bald spot than I.

James Albrecht, a Seattle computer technician, belongs to several dating sites and received a similar letter, which he at first believed. But his little Olga soon made him suspicious. He wrote about five letters, and his correspondent seemed a little disjointed. At that point he asked a question he'd asked previously and received a different answer. Not only that, there was no indication the person on the other end even noticed. "I thought I was writing several different people," he said.

He contacted Internet scam expert J.A. Hitchcock, who wrote back and advised him to break off all contact and predicted (s)he would soon ask him for money. Sure enough, the next letter asked for $1,200 in plane fare. As an experiment, the now-enlightened Albrecht offered to buy the plane ticket. Send the cash, they said. We get discounts. So he bailed.

Albrecht was particularly vulnerable, as he was already on the dating site and out for romance. And while he was fooled at first (as was I) he was smart enough to realize the truth. Not everyone will be so lucky. As Hitchcock says, "As long as people fall for these spam scams, they'll continue to proliferate."

The best advice is to pay attention, and cut off someone who sounds like she is angling for a ticket (no word about any Russian men pulling a reverse scam, but it could happen). The good news is that if you make contact with one of these people through a dating site, the online service will presumably jump to attention when you report these people.

If not, just take your dating business elsewhere.