What's most important for your child's current and future happiness? (Choose one)

A) Top WASL scores

B) Good grades

C) An ability to make and keep friends

If you chose C, you're definitely on to something, child experts say. Friends buoy kids' spirits, boost their self-esteem and teach important life lessons — such as how to negotiate, cooperate and get along.

Yet knowing how to make and keep friends isn't always easy. Plenty of parents have felt the sting of hearing their kids say, "No one likes me." Or, "She invited everyone to her party except me." When this happens, parents often don't know how to help and will simply advise their children to "not worry about it" or to "just be nice so others will like you."

"But it's not enough to tell a child to 'be nice,' " says Chris McCurry, a clinical child psychologist who conducts social-skills groups for preteens. "When anyone is learning a skill, they need specific instructions — whether it's hitting a ball with a tennis racket or greeting (a potential pal)."

Some ways you can help your child make and keep friends:

TEACH SELF-CONTROL. Other kids tend to steer clear of those who can't check their emotions — who cry at the loss of a hat or blow up when struck out at bat. One way to help your child keep cool: Urge him to take a break — breathe deeply or take a drink of water — whenever emotions rise.

Another way: Encourage him to express his emotions in an acceptable way. Talk about your own emotions ("I'm so frustrated: I can't find my keys!") and label your child's ("You look disappointed"). Eventually your child will be able to express his own feelings and have an easier time reading the feelings of others, too.

TEACH GROUP-ENTRY SKILLS. Some kids are too shy to join a group of kids at play. Others barge right in and annoy the other kids. You can help your child ease in gracefully by teaching her some do's and don'ts: Don't ask to play when kids are intensely involved in a game. Do wait until a familiar face looks up and catches your eye or until you spot a lull — such as a changing of jump-rope holders.

Think, too, of a way you can add to the fun: ("Let's pretend we're pirates"). And if the gang still says no? "Help your child see that this doesn't mean she can't ever play," says Leslie Fields, school counselor at Redmond Elementary. "She can always go back a while later. Or she can ask the group, 'If I can't play now, when can I play?' Or she can try entering another group."

All kids get rebuffed over and over again; the ones who are well-liked are the ones who keep trying.

PROMOTE GIVE-AND-TAKE. Some kids are über-friendly. Yet they still have trouble making friends because they, say, talk nonstop, never bothering to ask what others are interested in. Or they insist on being first up in every game of wall ball.

One strategy to help these kids with reciprocity: Model it yourself. Show them sharing ("Anyone want part of my piece of cake?"), turn taking ("You can use the computer first") and the art of conversational give-and-take ("How'd you like Superman? What was the best part?"). "Really listening to your kids can be hard, especially if you're harried and have several children," Fields says. "But it really helps to spend even 15 minutes a night with each child — looking at them, hearing them and being fully present."

It also helps to "catch" kids when they're being considerate. ("I saw how you let your sister have first dibs on the little cereal boxes! That must've felt good.") The trick here is to emphasize the internal rewards that come with thinking of others.

ENCOURAGE PROBLEM-SOLVING. Kids shoot themselves in the foot with other kids by complaining, tattling, making a mountain out of a little slight. To curb this behavior, help your kids learn the difference between a small deal (someone cuts in front of you in line) and a big deal (an older child threatens you with a rock). With big problems you seek help; with little problems, you work it out.

You can also show coping skills. Instead of saying, "Oh no! I think I took the wrong turn-off and now we're lost. The party will be over by the time we get there" try saying, "Uh oh. I'm lost. But I can figure it out. By the end of the day we'll be laughing about this!"

Finally, you can remind your child that every problem has several solutions. For example, if your child is teased, you can ask him if he can think of ways to respond. Some possibilities: Walk away. Or demand that the other child, "Stop talking like that." Or laugh and say, "Call me a fart again! I love it when you say that!" or exclaim innocently, "Is being a dork supposed to be a bad thing?"

TEACH CONFLICT RESOLUTION. "We parents always want to jump in and solve our kids' problems," says psychologist McCurry. "But that doesn't give children a chance to come up with their own solutions."

Instead, coach and model how to listen to others, understand their perspective and find a middle ground, Fields says. "If Jenny reveals Anne's secret crush, for example, you can say to Anne: 'Tell Jenny how that made you feel, what it's done to your friendship and how she can make it better.' It's important to let kids know that if they make a mistake, they can always repair it."

After grade school, kids continue to wrestle with relationship issues. A middle-schooler may get iced out of a clique. A high-schooler may lose his best-bud's company to a new girlfriend. But here a parent can help most by just being there, listening and reflecting back what they tell us ("sounds like you felt left out") but then shutting up.

Says McCurry, "Think of it like our child's first swim across the pool. Remember how we wanted to jump in and help, but we couldn't because we had to let them do it themselves? That's how it is now."