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On Fitness By Richard Seven

Can We All Just Get Along?

Advice from a pro may help us get past our gym peeves

A column I wrote last year about the spate of bad and oblivious behavior at health clubs generated a slew of e-mails from gym-goers venting about cell-phone yakkers, exhibitionists, slobs and, of course, those who do not wipe their sweat off shared equipment.

One e-mail stood out.

Timothy Colman of Seattle began his missive much like the others, lamenting about swimmers who don't shower before dipping. Been there, done that, I thought. But I read on, and he challenged me to offer some ideas for conflict resolution. How can we resolve problems rather than wallowing in them?

"We live in denser, more highly charged environments than ever before," Colman surmised. "Add to that unspoken class tensions, the gutting of the middle-class work security and retirement as we are witnessing today, and no wonder people act crazy. You know, there is an assumption that we have done this before and should know how to behave. This is simply not true."

His note struck me as both a grand idea for the greater good and a task way out of my realm of expertise. I was never even able to tell (or ask) the old guy who shaved and ate his lunch in the sauna to stop. So, I tattled to management and stopped taking saunas at that club. It is not easy to confront strangers. Perhaps we do it so often while driving because we think we can just speed away from the response.

So how does one ask a sweat hog to wipe off the equipment? Or the naked guy to pick up his jocks and socks strewn across the locker room bench and floor? Or the woman screeching to her iPod music to stop? That's hard to do. Another option is to be more patient and move on.

I called Dan Leahy, president of the Leadership Institute of Seattle, seeking advice on how to find resolution (or at least peace of mind) while in shorts. Leahy, a thoughtful man, was intrigued. He had never given health-club conflict much thought, but immediately understood the concept of "gym-rat rage," as he called it. He searched for the big picture. Like Colman, he sees an angrier population in need of a soul-searching.

"We have had two deeply divisive national elections," he said. "We have been at war since 9/11, one that has become increasingly frustrating and isolating. We have experienced national disasters where our safety net (FEMA) failed us."

So why wouldn't it spill over in the very egocentric activity of fitness?

He offered some tips, which he warns many won't find cathartic.

Step One: Figure out if the problem stems from the offender or from within. The good news is it's easier to change yourself than someone else. The bad news is that changing yourself is rarely enjoyable.

Step Two: Figure out exactly what it is about the person's actions that upset you.

"For example," Leahy says, "I'm irritated that the other person is prancing around nude because I wish I was in as good a shape as he seems to be. I don't like the person talking on the cell phone because she seems to be in a good relationship."

Step Three: If the irritant remains, try to connect with the offender. Let him or her know you have an issue and politely request he or she consider a change. Be aware of a person's attitude and demeanor before wading in. "This approach will not feel good initially, what with all the oxygen and testosterone flowing in an exercise setting."

Step Four: If reason fails, inform club staffers, who are paid and perhaps trained to resolve the matter. It's the gym's responsibility to enforce rules, not yours.

Step Five: If the issue persists, go perspire at another gym.

The vast majority of people will accommodate you, Colman believes. Most of the swimmers in his master's program shower before plunging. Some will not. In that case, you just move on, knowing you've had your say and there are bigger things in the world to stew and fight over.

Richard Seven is a Pacific Northwest magazine staff writer. He can be reached at rseven@seattletimes.com. Paul Schmid is a Seattle Times news artist.